


My Neighbor, Fen'Harel

by love_in_nature



Series: My Neighbor-Modern AU [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Angst, Awkwardness, Book Love, Books, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Frilly Cakes, Humor, Minor Iron Bull/Dorian Pavus, NSFW, Porn With Plot, Professor!Solas, Relationship(s), Slice of Life, Smut, Solavellan AU, book nerds, sera/dagna - Freeform, solavellan smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-08-09 05:09:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 40,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7787896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/love_in_nature/pseuds/love_in_nature
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was Emmy Lavellan's second year in college.  The first moment she walked into her first ancient Elvhen class and saw him she knew he would be trouble.  She was captivated almost instantly by the lean elf with ageless eyes so full of wisdom but also sadness.  </p><p>Their affair started with talks after lectures, questions asked which led to discussions, those in turn led to long meetings over coffee, and finally into something increasingly more passionate and intimate.  She lost herself in him and felt him opening to her.  That was until he suddenly disappeared without a word.</p><p>Two years later Lavellan has moved to a small city called Haven, the home of Skyhold University where she was offered a prestigious position as head archivist.  She is hopeful and eager to have a fresh start after the previous two rough years.  However, as is often the case, fate has a different plan in mind.</p><p>A plan that comes in the form of a certain all too familiar elf living in the apartment right next door to hers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. *Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is a modern Solavellan AU. I have purposefully left Emmy's appearance pretty much open ended so you may picture her as you like. I have my image but I think it is fun to let everyone kind of fill in with how they think she looks. 
> 
> **Updates:** every other Saturday at the very least. I will try for every Saturday but that will depend on how busy I am.
> 
>  **Solas POV Snippets** can be found [here.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9250268/chapters/20971130) I will update his POV snippets for those chapters that I feel really call for them but if you'd really like to see one in his POV feel free to request it of me, here or on my [tumblr.](http://love-in-nature.tumblr.com/)
> 
>  **NSFW** chapters will be marked with an * before the chapter.
> 
> Hint: This is one of those NSFW chapters because why not start with a bang ;)
> 
> Also a quick big shout out and thank you to the awesome [Kinako.](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Kinako/pseuds/Kinako) She has been a huge help by letting me bounce ideas off her and helping with suggestions. I totally recommend checking out her work too ;)
> 
> I think that is everything for now. As always any input is very welcome :D

**Recipient:** elavellan@conclave.edu

 **Subject:** Meet

_We need to talk.  May we meet later?_

_Solas_

 

 **Recipient:** sevans@conclave.edu

 **Subject:** this is why you need a cell

_Always.  I have my last class at 3 then a meeting at 5 but I could skip_

_I’m more for show at it anyways.  Budget meeting.  You know how_ _I_ love _numbers._

_Emmy_

 

 **Recipient:** elavellan@conclave.edu

 **Subject:** I have no need for a mobile device

_6?  My office._

_Solas_

 

 **Recipient:** sevans@conclave.edu

 **Subject:** I am so buying you a “mobile device”

_Oh your office?  Have I been a naughty student professor?_

_6 is good.  ;)_

_Emmy_

 

 **Recipient:** elavellan@conclave.edu

 **Subject:** You will not.

_This was the last day of classes.  Surely, you could not have gotten into that_

_much trouble.  Do not answer that.  I will see you then Lethallan._

_Solas_

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The Conclave meeting was as boring as expected.  All the minutes were dedicated to finances.  What branch would get more funding, which would get less, and number estimates for the Chantry’s next fundraiser.

Emmy had no clue why she was even there.  She certainly hadn’t been chosen as one of the representatives of clan Lavellan, and had the title First stuck on her, for her math skills.  She was there because she was good with words, she made nice speeches, was fairly knowledgeable in Elvhen history, and she could pull off the whole public face thing.

It was of no help making the meeting any less awful that time seemed to go so achingly slow. When it finally ended she rushed home before booking it to the Conclave's campus.  Her thoughts were constantly wandering to Solas as they had all day.  She planned to ask him to come with her this summer to the Free Marches and Wycome while she did some work for the clan.  She knew he wasn’t the biggest fan of the Dalish but she hoped to bribe him with potential historical finds and a summer of passionate nights together.

Starting soon, since she was now almost to his office.

She smiled to herself as she tightened the tie of her trenchcoat accentuating the dip of her waist.  She took a moment then to dig her phone out of her pocket to glance at the time.  Her smile widened as she realized she had made it right at 6 despite the small timeline she’d had to get home change and get to campus.

When she opened the door Solas looked up from the book he had been reading.  His steel blue eyes taking her in over the rim of his glasses as he gave her a small intimate smile.

“Hello, Lethallan.”

Emmy shut the door and flipped the lock before purring, “Hello Professor.”

She caught the slight tremor of his hand as he neatly folded his glasses and placed them on the desk.  Her sensual use of Professor always had such a delicious effect on him.  She moved towards the middle of the room, keeping her eyes on him as her body warmed with desire.

“Emmy.  You know I…”  He sighed and stood but stayed behind the desk, “When I said I needed to talk I meant it.  I did not mean---” He stopped, his eyes watching the movement of her hands as she began to slowly untie the knot that held her trenchcoat closed,  “I really---”

With slow deliberate movements she slipped her fingers up the inside of her trenchcoat parting it as she went until she got to the collar and pushed it off her shoulders letting it slid down her arms, falling in a pile at her feet.  

As she watched Solas slowly take her in she knew the black lace lingerie had been the perfect choice.  It was delicate, an intricate weaving of lace that merely gave the illusion of covering her.  In truth most of her skin could still be seen under the pattern.

She smiled, the dimple on her cheek making its appearance, “You really what, Professor?”

“I…” He swallowed, something flashing in his eyes.  Then before she could catch her breath he had used his long glorious legs to get around the desk and cover the ground between them.

When his hands found her waist he pulled her against him and took her mouth in a devouring kiss that forced her to lean back.  He held her keeping her pinned against him as she opened her mouth to him.  Their tongues began to dance as his hands moved her, their touches rough with need, almost bruising.

It had been a while since she had seen this kind of desperate need from him.  Not that she was complaining but…

Any thoughts fled as one of his hands moved over her panties.  His fingers found her slit through the fabric and pushed against it, trailing up to her clit.  The wet heat between her legs increased and she moaned into his mouth.  In response he moved his hips forward so she could feel the hardness of him move against her thigh.

As his one hand continued to rub and tease her through her panties his other came up to remove her bra.  The moment he had pulled it off of her his mouth left her mouth to find one of her breasts.  His tongue flicked against her nipple hardening it almost instantly as she arched towards him.  Then he nipped and sucked till she was writhing, her nails clawing at the back of his shirt.

The heat was overwhelming.  She needed him.  Something in her screamed that he needed to take her now.  “Fuck me.  Please.  I need it Solas.  Fuck---”

He growled reaching down and ripping the fine lace of her undies before quickly undoing his own pants and letting them fall to his ankles.  In one movement he stepped out of them and gripped her ass pushing her against the nearest wall.  Once there he wrapped one leg and then the other around his waist.

With a swift almost violent movement he sheathed himself inside of her causing her to cry out with pleasure.  He began to move, slow and deep.  One hand digging into her ass as the other found her breast.   His mouth went to her throat licking and nipping as his cock continued to hit that sweet spot inside her, pushing her against the wall.

Just as he started to speed he let out another growl, “More I need…”

She was suddenly pulled against him her body once more taking him completely in, swearing she could feel him all the way to her core.  He carried her with his hands on her ass, her legs and arms wrapped tightly around him.  When they got to the desk he set her on the edge leaving her body just long enough to swipe the contents of the desk to the floor before he pushed inside of her again.

It freed both his hands then and one went back to playing with her breasts.  The other went down to tease her clit eliciting cries of pleasure from her.  His thrusting came hard and fast.  The desk actually moving with the force of it.

A pinch of one of her nipples made her back arch.  One more circle around her clit and she felt her body flush with the oncoming orgasm.  All her muscles starting to shake with the intensity of it.  Her breathing came out in moaning pants.  He always felt so good inside of her, filled her so perfectly, filled her till she thought she would die from the pleasure of it.

When she came she cried out his name her nails digging into the edge of the desk.  He gave a guttural moan in response and his pace increased her own hips rocking against his for more, always more.

The hand that was at her breast came to cup the back of her head, fingers weaving through the waves of her hair as he pulled her up to him.  “Look at me…”  His words were breathy moans heavy with his pleasure, “Cum with me.  Looking at me.”

Her eyes met his and the intensity of it nearly sent her over right there.  She’d never actually held eye contact especially not during…

His fingers pinched her clit and then did fast circles as his thrust became erratic.  All thought was lost to her.  There was nothing but his body joined to hers, nothing but their eyes both dilated from the intense pleasure they shared.

He thrust hard and deep into her.  She came around him at the same time he released inside of her.  Their eyes locked until his mouth found hers once more.  Their moans meeting as they rode the waves of their orgasms slowly back down.

Once they had gotten their breath mostly back Solas leaned his forehead against hers, his eyes closed as he took a deep inhale.  One of his hands tracing lazy circles along her back.  She was happy enough to sit there like that.  She’d have been happy to stay there with him well after morning had come.

However, Solas pulled away from her, though the movement was slow with an almost pained air to it.  She watched him go over to his pants and start to pull them back on, admiring his sculpted ass when he bent over before it was covered by the offending material.  She’d always thought pants were overrated, this only proved her theory correct.

He started to go to get her trenchcoat and she slid off his desk taking the hint.  “So did you really want to talk or was this a thinly veiled attempt to get in my pants?”

“I was not the one who came wearing nothing.”  He spoke without looking at her as he picked up the coat.

“I was not wearing _nothing._ ”  She thrust her hip out placing a hand on it, “I came in wearing a trench coat and a very nice underwear set.  Of which the bottom half is ruined now I might add.”  There was something in his posture when he turned that made her hastily continue, “Not that it wasn’t for an excellent cause.  My lace undie’s sacrifice was not in vain.”

Not even the hint of a smirk.  His face was in broody mode and showed no signs of breaking free of it.  Her mind scrambled to find something she had done or said that could have triggered it.  As he came close to her once more, trenchcoat in hand, all her mind could think was her undies being destroyed comment had been taken seriously.  

“Solas, the underwear it really isn’t a big deal at all. I---”

“I apologize.”  His eyes met hers and his hand came up to cup her face, his thumb tracing the vallaslin on her cheek, “It is not you.  You have done nothing.  You are perfect.  You are so intelligent and so beautiful.  You are… precious to me.”

She felt a blush form in her cheeks, “Solas that is…” _I love you._ “You are…” _more than just precious to me._

He shook his head lightly a small smile finally forming on his lips, “Here Lethallan.  Let me help you back in your coat.”

She turned to allow him to pull it onto her arms and over her shoulders, his hands lingering against her collarbone before he pulled away.  It took concentration for her to button the coat up with how her fingers trembled.  She kept her back to him to hide the intensity of her emotions.

“So uhm… you know how Clan Lavellan is going to need me to do some stuff this summer.  Nothing big just some random diplomatic nonsense in Wycome and the Free Marches.  There is one exciting bit though.  They think they found something, some kind of major Elvhen artifact.  Which is pretty cool but…”  She finished with her buttons and tied the sash of it taking her time, “I mean I was thinking… it would uhm… be better to have another set of knowledgeable eyes.  And we obviously get along so I thought maybe you would…” She swallowed and rushed forward, “I would like you to come with me.  If you could?”

Silence stretched out.  She couldn’t bring herself to turn and her pulse sped.

“I would… that is I want to be with you but,”

Her heart dropped.

He continued, “There are… considerations.  I do not know how wise it would be to---”

Now she forced herself to turn, a large fake smile plastered on her face, “No need to explain.  I get it really.  Being stuck in a foreign place with someone all summer is a lot.”

“Emmy…”

“Really Solas it is fine.  We’ll email and…” she swallowed keeping the wetness in her eyes back, “I’ll buy you that cell so we can call and text easy.  Summer will be over soon enough and we can see where it goes.  If it…”  She swallowed again then grabbed her phone to act like she was glancing at the time, “Oh I didn’t realize it was so late.  I have an early day tomorrow meeting my Keeper.  I really should go.”

She started past him to unlock the door and felt his hand on her arm stopping her, “Emmy, I…”  

As she turned her head to look at him he was pulling her to him once more.  His mouth found hers and this time the kiss was deep, as though he was savoring her taste.  She shut her eyes and welcomed him, tried to commit him to memory.  If she wouldn’t be able to have him all summer she wanted to be able to remember his taste, his smell like old books and herbs, and the feel of him against her.

They must have stood there locked together for several minutes before he released her.  He took a couple steps back from her and she felt oddly empty.  For his part there was a sadness in his eyes that made her stomach drop.  

“I apologize.  I should not keep you from your duties.  Good night, Lethallan.”

She wanted to question him on why he looked so sad.  She wanted to demand he come with her this summer.  She wanted to beg him to stay by her side.  She wanted to tell him that she loved him.

“Good night, Solas.”  

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 **Recipient:** sevans@conclave.edu

 **Subject:** So…

About last night, I didn’t mean to spring that on you or

make you feel pressured or anything.  So I just wanted

you to know that.  I hope whatever you have planned this

summer is exciting and that you’ll keep in touch. :)

Emmy

 

 **Recipient:** elavellan@conclave.edu

 **Subject:** Error

Unkown/invalid username

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 _Two rings followed by a cheery voice listing campus office hours before saying,_ “Please hold and someone will receive your call.”   _Cue what feels like an eternity of elevator music finally followed by a click._

 **College Office Assistant:** “Conclave University, this is Marissa speaking how may I direct your call.”

 **Emmy: “** Professor Evans please.”

 **Marissa:** _faint sound of typing,_ “I’m afraid that Professor Evans is no longer employed at the University.  Is there someone--”

 **Emmy:** “What?”

 **Marissa:** “Yes our records show that he chose not to renew his contract.  This was his last year.  I do apologize, but is there someone else you would like me to transfer you to?”

 **Emmy:** “No.  I… no… thank you.”   _hangs up phone_

  
  
  
  



	2. Moving Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of lightheartedness after the first chapter's ending :)
> 
> Enjoy!

**_Two years later..._ **

 

Emmy shut one eye then the other, tilting her head, “Hmmm actually I think a little back to the right.”

Cassandra released a loud disgusted noise as only she could before saying, “You are my friend but if I have to move this couch one more time today you will owe me more than a beer and some food.”

“I got it.”  Iron Bull grabbed his side of the couch and pulled starting to drag the couch over.

Cassandra looked like he’d just kicked a puppy or something, “Bull, the wood!”  She hurried and grabbed her side of the couch lifting it to move it the inch or so over, “This is original flooring.  Real wood.  Do you have any idea how easily that scratches?!”

“Nope.”  Bull gave Cassandra his characteristic grin before turning to Emmy, “Better, Boss?”

Emmy once more eyed the couch’s set-up, tilting her head and trying to be sure it was totally center with the tv and fireplace.  She beamed at her two friends, “Yup perfect now.”  

Cassandra sighed rubbing her neck, “Thank the maker.”

She moved over to a grouping of boxes labeled living room her barefeet padding against the cool wood.  “By the way Bull, I haven’t been your boss now for almost a year.  You don’t need to call me that.”

“I like it.  Suits you, Boss.”  He shrugged and started towards the door giving Cassandra a pat on the shoulder, “Good team work.  I’m gonna go down and get the last of the boxes out of the truck.”

He started to shut the door behind him but Emmy put a hand up, “Leave it open so you don’t have to fuss when you come back.  Darcy is in my bedroom so we don’t have to worry about him.”

As though in reply there came a loud plaintive meow from the closed bedroom door.  Bull chuckled leaving as Emmy turned to yell at the door, “Hush you.  You’re fine.”  A paw appeared underneath the door curling up as half a furry leg came into view.   Emmy spoke to Cassandra, “You know, it’s almost like he’s flipping us off.” Then turned to speak loudly at the door again,  “Rude Mr. Darcy very rude.  You do not flip off mommy and her friend.”

Cassandra snorted before walking over to where Emmy stood hands on hips eyeing the boxes, “What are we looking for?”

“The living room pillows.  I think some might be this box.”  She nudged a box with her toe and it moved without any resistance, “Yup.  Super light.  That’s one of them.”

Several hours later Bull had managed to bring up the remaining boxes and most of the living room had been unpacked.  They had also gotten her painting space set up which was a little area next to the large windows with the floor covered by tarps.  There was an easel, a small wood set of drawers for art supply storage and various canvases leaning against the wall, some blank, some partly painted.  

Most of her art had been hung up paintings and photography, some by her but most by others since she always felt odd hanging up her own works.  The apartment itself was open floorplan, her bedroom and bathroom being the only closed off spaces.  The kitchen was somewhat small but it had a nice bar area to eat at and was perfect for one person.  The overall flow of it had worked perfectly and the full length windows covering the wall on each side of large sliding glass doors lent the space an airy natural feel.  

Work for the day mostly done, Bull had flopped on the couch with a beer while Cassandra hung up one more piece of art next to the fireplace.  Emmy stood near the center of the room, hands on hips, as she took in the area.  Her eyes went to the sliding glass doors and the balcony beyond.  She’d have to get some furniture for out there.

“We should go shopping for some patio furniture for you.”  Cassandra came up next to her smiling.

Emmy laughed, “I was actually just thinking that same thing.  I think I might paint the walls too at some point.”  Her eyes glanced back to the room,  “White is kind of boring.  Although it being my first day tomorrow at the new job that’ll probably wait for a bit.”

Bull spoke from the couch, “What’s wrong with white?”

Cassandra rolled her eyes and Emmy sighed, “Ask your boyfriend.  He’ll explain to you.”

“Ah no.”  Bull chuckled, “I’ve learned my lesson with things like that.  Only ask if I want to sit through an hour lecture on the merits of one shade over the other.  Mostly I just nod along.”

Cassandra moved over to sit in one of the living room chairs next to the couch.  “Where is he anyways?  I see he conveniently was unavailable for the moving.”

Bull started to open his mouth but a voice came from the door, “I’m insulted Cassandra.”  Dorian strode in carrying several boxes of pizza, “I had lessons to plan.  I am a very busy man you know.  Even with how horrifically in demand I am I still managed to scrounge up food for you all.”  

Just as he got to the kitchen bar Sera came in, her arms filled with several gallon containers of different soda, “Oi!  What gives?  Leaving me with the heaviest shite.”  She kicked the door shut behind her hard enough it made Emmy flinch.

“You did not have to bring it all up at once you know.”  Dorian went about spreading the pizza boxes on the bar and opening them.

“Well I wasn’t gonna leave them to get all nasty and warm in the car and it’s stupid to make more than one trip up here innit.”  Sera went to the kitchen putting the sodas on the counter by the sink.

“There is an elevator.”

“Pfft.”

Emmy decided this was as good a moment as any to cut in, “Hello to you guys too.”

“Heya Inky!”  Sera screwed the top off of the gallon of pepsi taking a big swig from the bottle before burping.  “Not half bad place you found here.”

Dorian spoke as he moved into the kitchen opening cabinets, “Agreed, and good to see you got everything moved up without trouble.”

Cassandra mumbled, “No thanks to you, Pavus.”

Emmy shook her head grinning, “It was mostly thanks to Cassandra and your boyfriend there.  I would have been totally shit out of luck without them.”  She watched Dorian going through empty cabinets and drawers, “Dorian, nothing there has been unpacked yet.”

Bull had made his way to the kitchen, his hulking mass making the kitchen look miniscule.  Dorian sighed and turned to look at Emmy, “Well then, which box might one find plates and---”  Bull reached down and slapped Dorian’s ass causing Dorian to turn an endearing shade of crimson. “and cups?  Will you stop.”

“You know you like it, Kadan.”  Bull winked at him to which Dorian mumbled several words in Tevinter under his breath but didn’t argue the point.

“Plates and cups, plates and cups,”  Emmy mumbled to herself as she went over and looked at the two stacks of boxes labeled kitchen.  “Uhmmm….”

Dorian slipped past Bull, earning him another butt pinch, before he came to stand next to Emmy, “You didn’t label them?”

“I did they are labeled kitchen, see.”  She pointed at the bold black writing along the sides of the boxes.  Dorian just looked at her one eyebrow raised.  

Sera spoke up from the kitchen reaching into the box with pepperoni to grab a slice, “Watcha need plates and shite for anyways.  Pizza is for eatin’ with your hands.  Not everyone is all fat with it like you Dorian.”

Dorian turned his disapproving look from Emmy to Sera, “What  _ are  _ you referring to?”

Sera spoke around a mouthful of pizza, “Eatin’ on proper plates all the time and using way too many forks.  Sleeping on silk while gold shits all over you.”

Bull let out one of his huge belly laughs and Cassandra snorted.  Dorian meanwhile just gave a plaintive sigh, “I left most of that behind when I moved from Tevinter to make it on my own.  I do miss the gold shitting down on me from time to time.”

This increased Bull’s laughter and had Cassandra and Emmy joining in.  When Emmy caught her breath again she went to grab her purse from the coat rings they’d placed by the door.  She had her hair pulled back in a messy ponytail and was wearing an old pair of jean shorts and a oversized button up top.  She debated going to change but decided against as she slipped on a pair of flip flops that waited by the door.  Why not go with the whole, ‘I’m remodeling’ look?  

As she slipped on the second shoe she said, “I’ll just run to the general store down the street and get some plates, cups, and napkins real quick.  Anything else we need?”

“I don’t believe so,”  Cassandra stood from the chair she’d been in, “Do you want me to come with you?”

“No it’s fine.  You stay here and make sure this bunch doesn’t get me kicked out on my first day,”  A chorus of voices saying the equivalent of  _ I would never  _ followed and she chuckled turning the handle of her door.  As she was stepping out she paused turning back, “Oh could you let Mr. Darcy out and feed him before he eats my bed?  His food and bowls are all in that box in the corner.”

The group looked where Emmy pointed and Sera almost spit out her pizza from laughing, “Toys and things for my pussy.  That’s a good one that is.”

“Of course,  _ that _ you would take time to give more detailed labeling to.”  Dorian shook his head.

Cassandra mimicked the head shake, “Why am I not surprised.”

Bull spoke, “I’ll happily take care of your pussy, Boss.”

This earned a scowl from Dorian and sent Sera on another round of guffaws.

“Thanks Bull.  I always knew you had a soft spot for my pussy,”  She winked and gave a wave as she stepped into the hallway shutting the door behind her.  

Emmy went past the elevator taking the stairs down instead.  She was on the fourth floor so it wasn’t too bad.  It was just a way to get in some extra steps for the day, keep the old legs in tip top shape.

As she left she gave a nod to the doorman who she had learned was named Jim.  The young man gave her a smile and a wave as she headed out the door.  It made her feel nice.  It was so good that she could already see herself making a life here so easily.

When she was out on the sidewalk she had to take a moment to orient herself and remember which direction the general store was located.  Once she had started to her right it was only a matter of minutes before she was at the store.  It was 24 hour too.  Just another bonus of her new home.  

The store was small but had all the basics.  It wasn’t hard to quickly find the section of paper goods.  She grabbed some napkins, red plastic cups, and some plastic silverware.  There was a moment of debate on what plates to get before she settled on the largest and grabbed two packages of 10.

Just as she was heading to the register she heard the familiar ding of a text.  She thought of ignoring it but sighed realizing someone at the apartment probably wanted something.  As carefully as she could she shifted the items in her arms trying to keep them balanced on top of each other to one side as she dug for her phone.

 

**Sera**

_ Gt some cookies choco chip.   _

 

Emmy rolled her eyes but smiled changing her current path from the register back to the aisles.  She looked up at the signs and found the snack aisle one.  As she walked over to it she started to reply to Sera.

 

**Emmy**

_ Alright.  I’ll get you’re damn co _

 

Her text message was interrupted when she collided with a solid figure as she turned the corner of the aisle.  Her tower of paper goods toppled to the ground along with a box of sweet cakes the stranger had been carrying.  The memory of how much Solas loved those flashed in her head but she pushed it away quickly.  It had been two years for fucks sake.

“I’m so sorry.  I wasn’t watching where I was going.”  She bent down to collect her stuff not looking at the man she’d run into.  “I really can be such a clutz sometimes.  Totally my fault. Uhm…”

She saw he hadn’t picked up his box of cakes and reached for it to offer it up to him.  Her gaze traveled up long legs that lead to a lean torso.  When her eyes got to the face looking down at her in stunned silence she first felt herself freeze completely, then almost as quickly her frozen state was taken over by one that was all fire and she shot to her feet.

Her brows furrowed as she glared into a face that was still achingly familiar after two years of not seeing it.  She spoke between clenched teeth, “What are you doing here?”


	3. Are You Kidding Me!?

Solas’ face had turned to an expressionless mask before she had even finished getting her words out.  It was infuriating.  She felt her jaw twitch and she repeated her question, jabbing his box of cakes at him, “I asked what you were doing here.”

His eyes flicked down to the box before going back to her face.  “Shopping.  It is near where I am currently residing.”  His long fingers reached out to grab one end of the cake box, “May I have my cakes back?”

She released them to him, but more because she was in a state of shock than in any form of compliance.  “What do you mean ‘currently residing’?”

There it was, the slight head tilt.  She’d seen it before but rarely directed at her.  How was he so damn calm right now?  It was infuriating that he could be so… him and here she was with every neuron in her body misfiring.  

“I am unsure how to clarify that statement more.”  His eyes shifted down to her hands, “You are breaking the cups.”

Emmy forced her white knuckled hand to release its death grip on the innocent plastic wear.  She gave him her best death look before speaking through clenched teeth,  “Good day.”

She spun on her heel and went to the register.  Her whole body was shaking.  She wasn’t sure if it was from rage or shock, perhaps a bit of both.  Her face must have been firmly on team rage since the moment she got to the register the cashier paled.

She dumped the paper goods on the counter, and the boy went to work, his eyes staying firmly on the items in front of him, “Will… uh, will this be all?”

“I don’t know.  Do you have a hitman somewhere in the back?”

“S--sorry?”

The poor kid.  She had her interrogator face on, and this boy didn’t deserve it.  Emmy took a deep sigh, “Sorry.  Nevermind.  Just a paper bag please.”

She sensed Solas come to stand behind her and then she smelled him.  The familiar scent of old books and sandalwood.  How had she missed it before?  

Her back stiffened instantly, but she refused to fidget as the boy finished up bagging before mumbling, “That’ll be $11.50.”  

She dug into her pocket.  Her fingers found her wallet taking it out.  There was a 10 and 5 inside which she placed on the counter before grabbing the bag.  She dropped her wallet in with her items and pivoted to go, keeping her head down to avoid seeing Solas again, “Keep the change.”

It took all her willpower to walk slowly out the door.  The moment she was outside she took a deep breath of air and started towards her building.  After only a while she swore she heard footsteps following behind her.  She glanced over her shoulder to find him walking several paces back.

She pointedly ignored this fact.  That was until Solas followed her right into her fucking apartment building.  Before she could start up the stairs again, she’d heard the door open and swung around to find him walking in.  Still, with that stupid expressionless, this is all good just another day at the office, face.

“Alright, that’s---”

Jim spoke over her, “Afternoon, Dr. Evans.”

“Good afternoon, Jim.  I have told you; you may call me Solas.”

“It just wouldn’t seem proper professor.  Though I appreciate the offer.”

Solas gave a nod of his head, “As you wish Jim.”

Meanwhile, Emmy was surprised she couldn’t feel the floor on the bottom of her chin as she stood gaping at the whole exchange.  They knew each other.   That meant… no.  No fucking way.  Nope.  The universe was not that screwed up.

She quickly went over things in her head trying to find what possible thing she could have done that might have angered karma so much.

“Are you alright, Miss Lavellan?”  Jim looked genuinely concerned.

She clamped her jaw shut and managed to squeak out, “Fine.”  Then she swallowed gathering her voice better, “He lives here?”

Jim glanced at Solas than back at her, “Yes...”

The elevator opened with a ding and Solas stepped inside.  He shifted then held a hand out to keep the doors open, “Are you coming?”

“I’m taking the stairs.”  She turned on her heel opening the door to the stairwell before letting it slam behind her cutting off any more words from him.

Outside she hoped she looked neutral.  Inside there was a constant stream of colorful language going through her mind.  Mostly the word fuck, to be honest.  

As she passed the door to the third floor, she started mumbling to herself, “Stop.  It’s fine.  Deep breaths Lavellan.  It’s a big apartment building and…”  He probably worked at the same university as she was.  Wonderful. “And a big university.  You can continue with your life and never see him again.  It’s cool.  You’re---”

She’d opened the door to her hall at that point to find Solas standing in front of an apartment door.  The one right next to hers.

He was her next door neighbor….

The words were out and much louder than expected before she could stop them, “Fuck me.”

That got his attention.  He turned his head looking at her.  Something flashed over his expression before it was batted down.  She shut her eyes, took a deep breath, then squared her shoulders and held her chin high as she started to her door.

He paused in opening his door as he watched her near him.  She wasn’t sure what he had expected but when she stopped at the apartment right next to him it clearly hadn’t been that.  His eyes went from her to the door, brows furrowing for a moment before he schooled his expression again.

“You--”

Her door was swung open before he could finish his sentence.  Dorian coming out to take the bags and looking hugely relieved.  “Good.  You finally decided to grace us with your presence again.  Turns out Cassandra does not do hungry well.”  

Solas’ shoulders relaxed almost instantly, “Professor Pavus, I see.  This is your residence.”

Dorian’s eyebrows rose nearly up to his hairline, “Me? Live here? Are you mad?”  Then he glanced at them both, “No offense meant, of course.”

“Of course.”  Emmy tried to push past him into the apartment.

He kept her blocked, his eyes inquisitive as he looked from her to Solas, “You two know each other?”

Before Solas could answer Emmy spoke, “Years ago.”  Then she gave Dorian a good shove into the apartment, “Hardly anything worthy of note.”  With those words, she slammed the door behind her.

She leaned against the wood, shutting her eyes and taking another deep breath of air.  When she opened her eyes again, she found eyes from various areas in her apartment staring at her.  With a scowl, she straightened glaring back at them all in turn, “He was my professor.  That’s it ok.”

None of them had known her then, and she had not spoken a word about him to anyone since he had disappeared.  First, because it was too painful.  Later, as a matter of trying to salvage what little pride she had.  As though not talking about it would mean it had never happened.

This was supposed to be a new start.  A chance to have a normal life again.  It wasn’t supposed to be the past coming back to punch her square in the face.  

She could move.  Leave here and not look back.  Start over again.  Leave the job she’d always had a secret desire to do.  Leave this beautiful new apartment where she finally had her own space.  Let him win.  Again.

Fuck that.

She squared her shoulders and forced a smile, slipping off her shoes before going over to the pizza and grabbing a slice, “Well, what are you all waiting for?  Don’t tell me I went to the store for nothing.”

After some initial sideways glances and awkward starts, the group’s conversation was flowing like normal again.  They exchanged random topics, and Emmy found herself able to forget about the ex-lover next door.  She even laughed a few times.  It was wonderful.

When several hours had passed, she tried to convince Sera or Cassandra to stay with her.  Trying not to sound as desperate for the continued distraction as she felt.  Dorian and Bull had already left a while ago as she tried one last time with the two woman.

“Sera are you sure you don’t want to stay?  We could watch Zombeavers again.”

Sera guffawed, “Bloody brilliant movie but I’ve got shite to do.”

“Cass?”

Cassandra shook her head, “I would rather not watch Zombeavers, thank you.”

“Of course not, that was just for Sera.  We’d watch something else if---”

“I wouldn’t want to keep you up.  Your first day is tomorrow, right?  You should rest.”  Sera was already out the door and halfway down the hall shouting one last good-bye as Cass paused, “Are you alright?  You seem--”

“I’m fine.  Peachy.  I just,”  She paused a beat, her eyes involuntarily glancing in the direction of Solas’ apartment, “New place.  New job.  I’m just a little fidgety, nerves and all that.  Nothing I won’t adjust to.”

“If you’re sure.”

Emmy forced another smile, “I’m sure.  Get home safe, Cass.”

Once Cassandra and Sera were both in the elevator, Emmy gave one last wave before ducking back into her apartment.  She shut the door locking the knob and sliding the bolt into place.  Then she turned and looked at her apartment hands on her hips.  It was a lovely place, regardless of the unwanted neighbor she now had.

A plaintive yowling started from her bedroom.  “I’m coming!”  As she passed the kitchen, she dug into the box of cat goods Bull had opened her earlier.  Now armed with a bag of Darcy’s favorite treats she went to her bedroom door.  When she opened it she was greeted by an accusing stare from two large eyes, one a stunning light blue and the other hazel.  

She shook the bag, “Don’t be mad.  I brought your favorites.”  Darcy raised his nose and sniffed, tail twitching.  Emmy opened the bag shaking some treats out into her hand and placing them in front of Darcy.  “There see.”

He bent his head, sniffed again, then looked up at her giving another plaintive meow.  She sighed, “I’m sorry ok.  I promise I won’t lock you in the bedroom again.”

Darcy’s tail twitched one more time before he bent his head to gobble up the treats.  Bratty cat.  Her eyes left him to go to her bedroom.  She wiggled her toes going over what still needed to be done and thinking what order she should do it.  

What she wanted to do was dig into her book boxes that were currently stacked in haphazard stacks around the room.  The bookshelves were ready to go, but she knew herself well enough to know if she started that she would get nothing else done the rest of the night.  

Instead of doing what she desired she forced herself to unpack the boxes with her bed stuff.  It only took moments for her to make her bed.  In fairness, “making her bed,” was pulling on the bottom sheet and then throwing another sheet on top of it before tossing pillows at the headboard.

She brushed her palms together with a smile and spoke to the cat-sized lump under her sheet, “Done.  Now we can start on books.”  The cat shaped lump moved, what she assumed, was his head but otherwise gave no response.  “Ok, I’ll start on the books.  You are never any help.  I don’t charge you rent or make you get a job or anything.  Least you could do is help a tiny bit around the house.”

The whole body moved this time; the Darcy lump turning its back to her before plopping down again.

“Right.  Your loss, furball.”

Before she went to work on the books, she went in to use the restroom.  When she’d finished, her eyes glanced up to the mirror as she washed her hands.  At first, she took in her reflection with little interest then her eyes widened, and she froze.

She had looked like this when he’d seen her.  Two fucking years and the first time she sees him again she looks like she’d been wearing the same clothes, even sleeping in them, for a month.  Her hair a mess, the shirt sack like, and stains of paint in random spots.  

When she’d allowed herself to imagine him seeing her again, it hadn’t been like this.  Early on it had been him coming back begging her forgiveness.  Later it had been him running into her by accident and immediately realizing his mistake when his eyes took her in.  In all of these, she had been dressed perfectly; beautiful, put together.  

_Oh, you are such an idiot._

She pulled her hair out of its ponytail hard enough that it hurt.  Then she shook it out while she buried her face in her hands.  She let out a series of muffled screams before she straightened, forcing herself to take deep breaths as she looked at her reflection with narrowed eyes.

“You do _not_ care.  You hear me, woman!  It doesn’t matter, not even a tiny bit, not even…”  She took a breath and rubbed the bridge of her nose, “Books.  Books are good.  Work on books.”  With that, she headed in to tackle the boxes.

Several hours later, Emmy found herself on the floor in front of one of the bookcases.  She was surrounded by books that she was working on placing in order by author’s last name, then titles, before she put them on the shelves.  Her reasoning being that if she just put them on before, at least getting some of them alphabetized, she’d just have to keep shifting in various areas to make room for more.

Just as she was placing a copy of Varric Tethras’ Swords and Shields with the rest of the books she had of his, she heard something.  Her ears twitched at the sound.  It was quiet for a long enough time that she turned back before she heard, what was definitely, the muffled sound of someone speaking.  As it grew clearer, she began to recognize it.  

_Can’t be._

The books forgotten, she scrambled to her bed, crawling her way up to the headboard that rested against her wall.  There was no way---

“I did not pay for the translations, I bid on the original documents I do not--”

It turned out she could have stayed where she had been on the floor.  Apparently, the walls were paper thin in this part of the apartment.  Considering how she’d paid out the ass for this place, she should be more annoyed by this.  She pressed her ear to the wall.

“I am obviously aware the original is in Elvhen.”

Darcy wiggled out from the top of the sheets and looked her.  She swore he looked embarrassed for her.  She mouthed, what and gave a shrug.  Darcy stood and turned to show her a view of his butt, tail high, as he sauntered off the bed and into the main part of the apartment.  She frowned at him.

There was that deeply annoyed sigh that only Solas could do so well, “Tell me, why would I request the original text if I was incapable of understanding Elvhen?  Do you presume I simply wish to look at the ink?”

Another pause and she could hear footsteps as he paced then stopped again.  “I assure you, I am well aware of the texts supposed origins and the value therein.  If I were not I would not have paid such a large sum for--”

More pacing, “I am a mythology professor as well as having a specialization in the research of ancient Elvhen cultures.  My desire for it is academic.”

That certainly sounded interesting.  If he was so interested in it, that alone was a sign of its value.  Solas was always one of the best at telling the fakes from the legitimate items.  Considering he was talking large sums of money being exchanged that might mean he did this through the university.  That would mean she might be able to get her hands on it at some point.  His existence may not be an entirely useless thorn in her side after all.

This pause was longer before he said, “Enough.  If you do not send me the original I expect you to send me the funds back.”

Another pause this one shorter, “That is hardly my problem.  I will give you a week.”  He walked closer to what sounded like the center of his room before growling out, “Dahn’direlan.  Nuva uralas telsyl na i’ga syl nyel laimem.”

Emmy barked out a laugh.  Her hands shot up, quickly covering her mouth to stifle her giggles.  There was silence from his side of the wall for long enough that her heart beat an irregular rhythm as she worried that he had heard her.

Just as her anxiety at an impending banging on her door reached almost unbearable levels, music started playing from his room.  It was Chopin.  His music of choice for relaxing baths with candlelight, a book, and wine.  Though the few times she had joined in this not much reading had been done in the end.

The memories made her face grow hot.  She flushed even more when she started to realize what this music meant.  He was taking a bath.  There was zero doubt in her mind.  Wonderful.  Now all she could picture was his body, the toned lean muscle of him, the freckles that dotted the skin of his shoulders, his long legs and powerful thighs, and his…

She shook the images from her head and reached into her laptop bag to pull out a pair of headphones.  Then she went over to pick up her cell from where she’d set it on the floor.  Her thumb worked quickly to find an alternative rock playlist that would drown out the Chopin nonsense.  That done she stuck the headphones in her ears and went back to work on her books.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Dahn’direlan.  Nuva uralas telsyl na i’ga syl nyel laimem.** Idiot. May nature strangle you with all the air you have wasted.
> 
> Back to regular updating on this. You can look for a new update next Sunday at the latest, possibly on Friday again. I'm still working out scheduling but point is there will definitely be a new one next week. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed it and sorry I was on such a long hiatus from this one.
> 
> P.S. There is now officially a Solas POV addition going. The first chapter covers this chapter and the one before it. [My Neighbor, Lavellan.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9250268/chapters/20971130)


	4. *For Better Or Worse, The Past Is Everywhere

The bath water was hot over Emmy’s skin.  The air full of steam smelling of lavender and vanilla.  She picked up a handful of bubbles bringing them up to her face to form a beard.  The suds tickling her skin.  She quickly covered a sneeze when one tried to go up her nose.

Solas chuckled, “I do not believe they are meant to be inhaled.”

She reached up to wipe the remaining suds off her face, “You don’t say.”  She then swept that same hand over the surface of the water.  The motion sending bubbles towards him.  The water rising and falling in gentle waves over his perfect torso.  Only the area just a little above his nipples could be seen out of the water but it was enough to prove a distraction.  

He was leaning back in the tub across from her.  One leg on each side of her body so she could feel him against her under the water.  The arm that held his novel was now hanging over the edge of the bath, book dangling from his fingers.  

If he was done reading she could suggest other things he could be doing with his hand.

He watched her, his expression soft, “What is going through that mind of yours?”

“Lots of things.  Almost all of them horrifically lewd.”

“Ah,” She felt his leg caress along hers as he leaned forward in the tub.  The book tossed to the side as both hands went into the water.  “Things like this?”

One hand traced a path up her thigh and she felt herself shiver.  He smirked, “Perhaps like this?”

The fingers of his other hand found her.  He barely brushed over the top of her clit.  She must have been strung tight because even that elicited a moan from her.  His hands reached for her, flipping her around and pulling her against him so her back was pressed to his chest.

His lips found the curve of her neck.  He nibbled and sucked kissing a line to her ear.  “Am I assuming correctly?”

She managed a breathy yes before his hands found her once more.  One went between her legs, his fingers teasing her clit.  The other found one of her breasts.  He massaged her only stopping to tease her nipple between two fingers.

The combination of the hot water and her rising body heat made little beads of sweat start to form on her forehead.  Not that she cared at that point.  She rocked her hips for him loving the feel of his hardness against her back and his hands on her skin.

He slipped his fingers inside of her and she moaned his name, “There.  Solas… I…”  Words were lost as he slipped deeper into her playing her easily.  He knew all the places to caress to make her lose herself.

She would come soon.  She could feel the inevitable near but she wanted him in her for it.  The feel of him buried deep inside her, of being one with him, she needed that.  Somehow she managed to get out the words, “Solas.  In me, now.  I need you to--”

His thumb flicked against her clit and the words were lost to a loud cry of pleasure.  Less than a beat later he had her bent over the edge of the tub, remnants of bubbles caressing her as they slid along her skin.  All sensations from the bubbles were forgotten when she felt his tip teasing her entrance.

She tried to push herself back onto him but he held her firm as he spoke, “I will give you what we both desire if you say it.”

She groaned, “What? Anything…”

“Tell me the truth.  Tell me how you feel about me.  Tell me what you always wanted to but never did.”

This was too much, she didn’t want to go there.  Not now.  She started to straighten but he pushed himself just a quarter inch into her.  Just enough to remind her of what she could be having if she just said it.

“I love you.”

He pushed just a hint further.  “Louder.”

She moaned then forced the words out in a shout.  “I love you, Solas.  I’ve always---”

He thrusted into her, pushing his entire length in with one quick movement.  She let out a cry and at the same instance heard an odd high pitched beeping.  It was just enough of a jarring sound to bring her confusion even through her lust.

He pulled out almost all the way before thrusting into her again.  The beeping sound accompanying his entrance into her.  Then another thrust, another beep.  Again and again.  Beeping in time with his movements until he bent forward and whispered in her ear, “I believe it is time for you to wake up.”

The next thing she knew, her eyes were open and looking up at the ceiling of her new bedroom.  She let out a growl of frustration and slammed her hand down on her stupid alarm clock.  She wasn’t sure what pissed her off more.  That it had been a wet dream with Solas, something she hadn’t been tormented by in a long time, or that she had been so close to release.  So close.  She was wet and her lower body still throbbed from desire.

This had to be taken care of.  She was far enough along it should only take a moment.  She moved onto her stomach so she could muffle any sounds with her pillow.  Then one hand found her breast while the other worked her sensitive sex.  Despite herself she thought of Solas.  His fingers.  His voice.  His body.  Him being only a wall away.

It wasn’t long before she hit her climax.  The cry she let out made her glad for the pillow in case Solas was still in his place.  When she was done her whole body felt relaxed.  At least until she turned her head and her eyes finally registered the time.

“Shit!”

She shot up out of bed with such speed she almost tripped herself on her sheets.  Since she had opted to unpack her books, much of her clothing was still not out.  This resulted in her ripping open boxes and throwing clothing about the room till she found something that would work.  With quick fingers she braided her hair and tucked it into a bun at the back of her head.

Then she tossed some food into a bowl for Darcy.  The cat was looking at her from one of the windows.  Judging.  Always with the judging.  

She grabbed her purse and opened the door shouting back at the cat, “Get a damn job, then you can judge.”  

She shut the door and locked it before jogging down the hallway to the stairs.  In her rush she missed a step at the second floor and let out a series of curses as she fell on her ass.  It would leave a mark, but at least she hadn’t sprained an ankle or something.  She stood and hurried on to her car.

In the end, she did manage to make it five minutes early.  Every speed limit was broken to do it, but she did it.  It was lucky the campus library was such a focal point for the campus.  She hadn’t had the foresight to look at a campus map beforehand.  A fact that could have easily bit her in the bum.

The library was truly impressive.  It was modern looking in it’s large windows but still held a timeless feel to it with it’s large steps and massive doors.  The building appeared to back up to a forest.  She imagined, or hoped, there were more windows in back for that view.

As she walked up the steps her stomach did little flips.  She focused on air in the nose and out the mouth.  This was nothing.  She could totally do this.  It was a job made for her.  It would all be good.

The moment she open the large doors there was another Dalish in front of her.  This woman had short dark hair, huge beautiful green eyes, a falon’din vallaslin, and a huge smile.  She seemed to bounce constantly on the balls of her feet.  If this was more from excitement or nerves, Emmy couldn’t tell.

“You must be Emmy.  I mean, of course you are, you’re face was all over.  That was a silly question.”  She gave an awkward laugh which was immediately quieted, “Not that I’ll fangirl you or you know, I mean I’m a huge fan.  Not that it’s---”

Emmy laughed, “I don’t think I got your name.”

“Oh right, my name is Merrill.  I’m the assistant to the head of the apartment, you now, Inquisi--- I mean Miss Lavellan.”  

“Pleasure to meet you Merrill and Emmy is fine.”  She gave a genuine smile.  Although she never liked being noticed for her time as the Inquisitor, Merrill’s eager joy was infectious.  She took an instant liking to her.

Merrill proceeded to show her around the library with such enthusiasm you would have thought it was her first time seeing it all.  Not that Emmy could blame her.  The place was magnificent.  It had beautiful interior architecture designed for serious study in some places. Other places were cozy little nooks with chairs that you could completely sink into.  

She had also been right about windows in the back.  There were huge ones that overlooked the expanse of pines behind them.  The area was truly beautiful.  She imagined when it started to get cold and snow they’d be even more so.

Nothing could compare to what Merrill saved for last.  The rare book and manuscript section.  It was the largest one she had ever seen.  The room seemed to be almost five stories high.  There were no windows of course, for preservation purposes, instead there were large marbled tiles with soft light behind them covering every inch of wall.  And the books.  So many books.

“How many?”

Merrill’s smile grew even more, “Last count?  180,000ish in this room.  There are more down in the underground stacks.  Around 600,000 I think.  We get people from all over coming to use it.”

“That’s…”  Words failed her.  This was even better than she could have dreamed.

“I know!”  She was bouncing again, “We do get the occasional artifact but mostly we work with these old books and documents.  When we do get an artifact it’s usually sent to be housed elsewhere once it’s been cataloged and repaired, if needed.  We got an eluvian!  It’s complicated to fix, but I admit I’ve been trying to linger a bit to keep it longer.”  She blinked, “Oh, probably shouldn’t have told my new boss that…”

“Wait.” Her attention went from the books to Merrill, “You have an eluvian?  A genuine eluvian?”

“Yes!”

“But no one has seen one of those in--”

“I know!”

Emmy was pretty sure she was bouncing too now, “How?  Where?”

“A Dalish clan came across it.”  Merrill’s bouncing stopped and she frowned, “They sold it.  I understand some clans have it bad but…”  She shook her head and smiled, “What matters is that Professor Evans was lucky enough to find out about it and purchased it.”

A slight stab to her joy and she couldn’t help mumbling, “I doubt luck had much to do with it.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”  She tried to smile again, though she couldn’t help the irritation pulsing through her at his name, “I take it when we’re done he’s going to be keeping it?”

“Yes.” She furrowed her brow, “Well, in a way. He hasn’t really been too forthright other than to say it is going somewhere safe where it will be preserved and cared for.”

_ Being forthright wasn’t exactly Solas’ thing. _

Something must have shown on her face because Merrill asked, “Do you know the professor?”

“A bit.”   _ He’s been inside me a few times.  We’ve had our private bits in each others mouths.  That sort of thing.   _ “He taught both Mythology and Elvhen history classes to me when I was in college.  I didn’t know him all that well.”  

The last part was not a lie.  In the end she hadn’t known him well at all.  The man she’d thought she knew would have never just up and left like that.  The man she’d thought she knew wouldn’t have disappeared without a trace.  Even if he had, he certainly wouldn’t have stayed away still when she needed him most.  Conclusion, everything he had presented to her had been a rouse.  The man he wanted her to see.  A lie.

“You’ll get to know him better now.”

Emmy blinked, “What?”

Merrill smiled completely unaware of the impact of her statement, “He’s here all the time.  Likes to keep up on new things we get in and research through the materials we have.  Nice man.  Very knowledgeable.  I would have liked to have him as a professor.  When he teaches it isn’t like teaching, it’s like being told a wonderful story.  He also loves when you ask questions, not like some of the other professors that come in here.  Like Professor de Fer hates being disturbed.  Trust me I learned that one the hard way.”

“Oh, wonderful.”  She cleared her throat.  This was not the time for her to contemplate the implications that the big campus and big building were not so big after all.  If she was more paranoid, she’d be convinced he was doing this shit on purpose.

“Are you alright?  You look a little---”

Emmy shook the thoughts from her head, “Fine.  I’m good.  May I see the eluvian?”

She’d never truly been able to describe someone’s eyes as twinkling, but she swore Merrill’s did just then, “Yes!  It’s really incredible.  I mean I knew it would be…” Emmy followed her through the library to the eluvian as Merrill rambled on excitedly.  

Solas would not ruin this.  This was the opportunity of a lifetime.  She was working in the most extensive rare book and manuscript collection in Thedas.  No way she would let some idiotic lingering emotions get in the way of that.  All she had been through, she would certainly not lose to something like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't know why I didn't think of this before hand but Saturdays is Solas smut day on tumblr. Since this is my modern AU smut fic I'll update on Saturdays ;)
> 
> I will try to update every Saturday but at the very least it will be every other one. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter!


	5. Playing Games

It wasn’t until her workday was almost over that Emmy found herself in her new office.  There had been a lot to do this first day to get an idea of the place.  They had to go over current cataloging methods, storage areas, how different things were dealt with here, the university's procedures for receiving donations, the procedure for denying donations, the procedure for acquiring things, and so on.  Some were fun.  Most were pure legalities and paperwork.

She hadn’t even minded the boring stuff.  She would have gladly waded through a pool full of paperwork to spend five minutes with the eluvian.  Even damaged it had been the most stunning thing Emmy had ever laid eyes on.  

It was tarnished, the glass spotted with age, but even so it was incredible.  It was intricately designed and, oddly, had a wolf sculptured at the top as a focal point.  To her knowledge it was uncommon for symbols of Fen’harel to show up on things like this.  Not that anyone knew much about these.

When the eluvian were mentioned in ancient texts, they appeared to be spoke of as some kind of transportation system.  It was not impossible that their translations were wrong; much of the language had been lost after all.   Even if it was correct it could be more symbolizing or myth.  Tales to tell each other over a fire.  The same texts sometimes spoke of gods and magic as though they were facts of everyday life.  So it was sometimes hard to tell what was fact and what was fiction with ancient Elvhen documents.  Though, some did argue it was  _ all _ historical fact.

As if magic and gods could exist.  A preposterous thought.  She put it right up there with all the talk of there being a maker.  If either of those things were true, then surely they’d be in a much different world than the one they found themselves in.  

Whatever the eluvians were, this one was the first that she knew of being found.  The rest were either hidden away by private collectors, clans, or still lost to the modern world.  It was a true treasure.  A piece of her people, of the history long lost to them.  Her clan’s keeper, Deshanna, would want to know.

She set down at her desk and turned on her work computer.  Once she was logged in she first went to double check her new work e-mail.  Nothing much there.  Just a welcome e-mail from the dean.  Though she imagined it would be filled before too long with various work things.  Her internet would be set up by the end of the week at her home so she’d be able to keep up with it there as well.

That done, she went to her personal e-mail.  When she opened it there was some spam.  An e-mail from Sera.  Probably her usual fair of some kind of lewd joke or disgusting video.  Emmy skipped that for now.  Then there was an e-mail from Fen’harel.

Her stomach fluttered a bit at the name, as it always did.  A ridiculous thing considering she had no idea who this person was calling himself Fen’harel.  They’d been exchanging e-mails for over a year and a half.  She’d still not told a soul about it.  Partly because she knew some, like Cassandra, would worry about her communicating with someone she knew no real facts about.  Partly, because of who he was to her clan.

Fen’harel was a pen name that was used by one of the most outspoken critics of the Dalish and their methods of preserving their history.  If Deshanna, or  _ anyone _ in her clan, learned that Emmy had been speaking to him on a regular basis she would be in for it.  At the very least she would get a month long lecture.  At the worst she would be kicked out of the clan.

He was that bad.

They’d started talking when he’d written a particularly scathing article on the Dalish corruption of history.  Their close mindedness and inability to see anything beyond what they thought was true.  Being the clan’s First she was, of course, one of the ones to be shown this article.  Her anger had been great.

Immediately, she’d hunted around to try and find out who this man was so she could confront him.  Even after exhausting all her resources all she’d managed to get was an e-mail.  She’d sent a thorough response to the article.  In the end it was several pages long and seething.  

The extent of her rage was huge.  Looking back now she could admit much of it was probably a redirect from the rage and hurt she still felt from Solas’ vanishing act.  After all, it had only been two months since he’d left.

Weeks went by with no reply.  It got to the point where she figured she’d either gotten the wrong e-mail or he was ignoring her.  She’d set her mind on writing him again.  If he didn’t reply she’d hassle him till he did.  Then, out of the blue, she received a curt reply back.  To which she responded with another long e-mail.  This back and forth went on until, somehow, hostility turned to grudging interest.  

Then, the Temple of Sacred Ashes happened.  

She had pulled into herself completely.  There was breath in her lungs, a beat to her heart, but she was not alive.   Not truly.  She had become a puppet.  A figurehead for the group that had been formed to find the truth of what happened at the Temple of Sacred Ashes The sole survivor was a fake.  She had not survived it.  Not mentally.  Not emotionally.  

Fen’harel started e-mailing her more regularly a few weeks after the incident.  Instead of hostile e-mails they contained random articles on historical finds or explanation of a text he had come across.  The first few she skimmed but didn’t truly register.  

He persisted and after a while she started to reply.  If she was honest with herself, much of her reasons for replying probably resided in the fact that he sounded like Solas.  The way he wrote reminded her so much of her ex-lover and, despite her hate for Solas, she still had loved him.  She still found comfort in the familiarity it brought.

Then, as they wrote back and forth with increasing frequency, she no longer only spoke to him because of the reminder.  He was someone she could talk to without fear of judgment.  Someone who saw her as she was not as the Inquisitor.  She came to look forward to his e-mails.  

She remembered the first time he had agreed to chat with her online.  How her heart had pounded with nerves and excitement.  

They’d chatted for several hours.  The chat turning flirtatious, intimate, and almost sexual before he told her he couldn’t and signed out.  Since then he had only gone into chat with her a handful of times.  All of them brief and as professional as he kept his e-mails.  This didn’t keep her from daydreaming of a day she might meet him.  As ridiculous as such a thing was.

The subject of his current e-mail was, “as requested” and she knew it was the corrected translations she had sent him to look at.  She smiled as she clicked on the message.

  
  


**Recipient:** Emmy

**Subject:** As Requested

 

_ Attached are the corrected translations of the document you asked me to look at.  I am impressed.  There were only a few errors.  Your ancient Tevene has improved greatly and rapidly.  There were only a few minor adjustments.  I believe you will no longer need my help on such things. _

 

_ Dar’eth, _

_ Fen’harel _

  
  


She felt herself swell with pride at his words.  Though he was always kind to her, he was not one to offer empty compliments.  So, to have him comment on her progress, was a big deal to her.  Then she read the last added line and her pride was replaced with confusion.

  
  


_ P.S. Is there something you need to tell me da’len? _

  
  


Was he referring to her new job and location?  If so how did he even know about it?  She’d taken cares for it  _ not _ to be known.  After being in the public eye so long she had been eager to be out of it.  Not that she wasn’t going to tell him but… 

She shook her head and swiveled in her chair, thinking for a moment before she moved to reply.

  
  


**Recipient:** Fen’harel

**Subject:** Thank you

 

_ Thank you for your help and for the compliment.  Don’t be too eager to be rid of me, hahren.  I’m sure I still will need your help with things like this on occasion.  As for having something to tell you, I’ve got a new job and have moved to a place called Haven.  But you knew this didn’t you?  Or you wouldn’t have asked.  _

 

_ You continue to know so much about me when I know so little about you.  You could tell me who you are you know.  I’m very good at keeping secrets. _

 

_ Are you angry with me, hahren?  It is unlike you to so blatantly pry into my personal life.  Usually you make a point of avoiding it.    _

 

_ But, for your information, I was waiting till I got settled more and I would have told you.  I don’t even have internet at my place yet.  Of course, if you gave me a cell number I could have just texted or called. _

 

_ Emmy _

  
  


She hit send before opening up a new e-mail.  She typed in Deshanna’s e-mail and started.  It took her several minutes to go over everything.  Her new apartment and how lovely it was.  The job.  How much Deshanna would love all the history available here and how she definitely needed to come for a visit to see for herself.  Finally, she went in some depth about the eluvian.  Though, she emphasised that it was really something that Deshanna needed to see in person because there were no adequate words.

As soon as she hit send on that e-mail a small beep sounded from the computer.  It indicated a chat message and her brows furrowed.  When she clicked on the e-mail clients chat and saw who it was her eyes widened a bit before she smiled.

 

**Fen’harel:** _ I am not angry.  Simply curious.  As for how I know, I have my fair share of eyes and ears.   _

 

**Emmy:** _ You started a chat with me! :D I should mark the occasion on my calendar.   _

**Emmy:** _ Also, is that your way of saying you’re having me watched?  Do you have a trail on me or something?  D:  Creepy, wolfie! _

 

There was the little, “Fen’harel is typing,” notice on the bottom of the chat.  Then it stopped.  Started again and finally he sent something.

 

**Fen’harel:** _ Do not make me regret it already, da’len.  And no.  I am not having you followed, it was pure coincidence that I happened to find out about your change of location.  I did not know what it was for, only that you had moved.  What is this new job of yours? _

 

As if she would tell him that easily.  He already had the upper hand.  Sure she would have sent it in an e-mail but him asking about it first had brought to the front of her mind the fact that he knew all about her and she nothing about him.  So, she’d play him along a bit first.

 

**Emmy:** _ Oh it’s amazing.  You’d adore it, but I’m not going to tell you.  _

 

**Fen’harel:** _ Why? _

 

**Emmy:** _ It isn’t fair that you know so much about me but I know nothing about you.  Not even your real name or what you look like.  I don’t even know your gender. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ _

 

**Fen’harel:** _ I should have thought the last would have been obvious. _

 

She smirked thinking for a beat before she replied.

 

**Emmy:** _ Why would it be obvious?  It may be common for parents to name their kids after elven gods, but Fen’harel isn’t one you hear often.  Plus, with how secretive you are I highly doubt you’d publish under your real name.  Or perhaps you presumed I’d know based on context of past conversations?   _

**Emmy:** _ You don’t have to be a male to want to get into bed with me.   _

**Emmy:** _ Just because you can be flirty sometimes, almost had online sex with me the one time, and you chose a male pen name doesn’t automatically mean you’re male. _

 

Immediately the typing notice came on.  It went for several moments before stopping.  She waited, her eyes glued to the screen as her fingers tapped a nervous rhythm on the desk.  Had she overdone it?  Did he think she was chastising him about the sex and flirting stuff?  Unable to wait anymore she started typing again.

 

**Emmy:** _ I’m sorry, I was just teasing.  I know you’re not actually interested in me at like that.  I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.   _

 

The typing symbol came up and her pulse sped a bit.  Why her stupid heart kept acting up so much today was beyond her.  Must be everything going on, not to mention seeing Solas again.  She frowned at him popping into her head, at the same moment the typing icon stopped again.

“It’s like he fucking knew.”

Then it started again.  Stopped.  Started.  Finally he sent a reply.

**Fen’harel:** _ You presume much today, lethallan. _

 

Her eyes widened.  She presumed much what?  There was the spying, and then… was he admitting he felt attracted to her too?  Then why hadn’t he tried to go any further?  Why had he gone out of his way to redirect when she tried to flirt?

 

**Fen’harel:** _ Wanting something and being able to act on such desires are two separate things.  You should not care for me.  You do not even know who I truly am, as you stated yourself. _

 

**Emmy:** _ I don’t know what you look like.  Looks are not nearly as important as the rest.   All you’ve done for me.  All we’ve shared even though it is just in e-mails.  I feel more myself with you than anyone around me in person.  When I imagine you being with me I can’t picture you but I feel you.  _

 

This had escalated into something entirely different from what she had expected.  Probably something that she should not be partaking in at work but, she couldn’t help it.  They were finally talking about it.  She wasn’t about to stop it now if he allowed the discussion.  

Although, he was taking long enough to respond that she thought maybe he had decided to end it by simply not speaking anymore.  Then the typing started again followed quickly by a ding.

 

**Fen’harel:** _ You imagine such things, how I feel? _

 

Then before she could even start her response.

 

**Fen’harel:** _ Stop. _

**Fen’harel:** _ I can not continue this, Emmy.  We should not.   _

 

Please, say he was just talking the flirting.  Then again she didn’t want to let it go that easy.  He’d admitted he was attracted, so why?  

 

**Emmy:** _ You don’t imagine things like that?  How I’d taste against your lips.   _

**Emmy:** _ What my skin would feel like against yours.  The sounds I’d make.  How we’d be mad with lust for each other. _

**Emmy:** _ I’m guessing the first time would be rough and hungry.  Then again a while later, slow and sensual. _

 

There was nothing for a full minute from him and she frowned.  Still, at this point it was all or nothing.

 

**Emmy:** _ Have you fled from me or are your hands too busy doing other things to type ;).  Maybe I should make my hands busy too.  Certainly in the mood for it now. _

 

The typing started again.

 

**Fen’harel:** _ I am at work.  Please desist this. _

 

**Emmy:** _ I’m at work too ;) _

**Emmy:** _ Wait, does that mean if you weren’t at work you’d play along? _

 

**Fen’harel:** _ That is enough of this game of yours.  If you do not wish to tell me of your new situation, then I will not force the matter.  I must go. _

 

Not like that you don’t, woflie.  She quickly typed the one thing she thought would get him to stay.

 

**Emmy:** _ An archivist _

 

There was typing, stopping, typing, and stopping.  Now her brows furrowed.  Honestly, it wasn’t like she had told him she was a spy or gone into the porn industry or something.  He knew her passions.  Surely her pursuing a career as an archivist wasn’t that far fetched.

 

**Fen’harel:** _ An archivist, where? _

 

**Emmy:** _ I would’ve thought you’d know that, all seeing one. _

 

**Fen’harel:** _ Amuse me. _

 

**Emmy:** _ Why?  You didn’t want to play with me when it was my game.   _

**Emmy:** _ It’s my first day, stop distracting me.  I’ll send you an e-mail when I get my home internet set-up.   _

**Emmy:** _ Good-bye wolfie. :* _

 

With that she logged out of her chat before she let the conversation drag on any further.  She really did need to go over these final legal documents before she headed home today.  If she stayed on with him any longer she probably wouldn’t get home till after 8.

She looked at the small stack of papers still awaiting her attention and sighed.  Then her eyes shifted to the now empty tea mug Merrill had given her.  She reached for it and stood.  First she’d go make some tea, then she’d focus and get the last of this paperwork finished.

_ Earl Grey work your magic, buddy. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed!
> 
> There is officially a Solas POV now if any of you missed it and are interested, [My Neighbor, Lavellan.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9250268/chapters/20971130)
> 
> And I do listen if there is a part you guys really want to see from his POV. I am currently working on one of his that includes that covers the last chapter ;)
> 
>  **Edit:** Solas POV has been added for this chapter and the previous one, [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9250268/chapters/21149516)


	6. Hate and Love, Both Make You Burn

Emmy yawned and stretched her arms over her head.  The last of the paperwork was finally done and she’d set it aside with a triumphant cheer. A little chime came from somewhere in the room.  In her legal document haze it took her a moment to realize it was her cell.

With a sigh, her eyes did a cursory glance over the surface of her desk but didn’t see it.  It chimed again.  She started to lift the various piles of paperwork with little luck.  Then she started opening drawers and shuffling through them.  Finally, she looked through her purse but still nothing.

Another chime, this time she swore it was annoyed with her.  As if an electronic device could be annoyed.  With a frown she started on her desk again.  Then again the chime and her frown deepened but this time she swore it came from behind her.  

“Where are you hiding you stupid thing.”  

It was like she had yelled the words with how quiet the space around her was.  She winced a bit but then realized that no one was still here so she was fine.  The crazy archivist could continue to masquerade as a normal person for now.  

She swiveled her chair so the back was to the desk and stood.  Chime.  This time, she saw the little light of the screen reflecting off the ceiling.  The stupid thing had made it’s way up on top of one of the filing cabinets by the door.  When she went over to grab it, she looked at it accusingly before checking the string of messages on her lock screen.

 

**Dorian**

_ Where in blazes are you? _

 

**Dorian**

_ We came by to steal you away.  I can only hope you’re on a date. _

 

**Sera**

_ DRINKS! Y R U NOT HERE??? _

 

**Dorian**

_ We are headed to the Singing Maiden, meet us.  Unless you are on a date in which case I expect a full report. _

 

Emmy checked the time on the top of her phone.  It was just a little after 7.  She had been here  _ way  _ later than she had hoped, but at least she got all the initial paperwork done so she could get to the fun stuff tomorrow.  

She unlocked her phone and typed a response.

 

**Emmy**

_ I had first day paperwork to finish.  Headed home, Darcy and my couch are calling to me.  Seriously I can hear them all the way here. _

 

**Dorian**

_ Please come.  I need a designated driver. _

 

Emmy rolled her eyes and typed.

 

**Emmy**

_ First off, it isn’t my fault you’re too fancy to live within walking distance of everything and had to pick a house out in the hills.  Secondly, I’m wounded that you only want me for my car.   _

 

She walked back over to her desk, sitting her phone down as she started to pack up her stuff.  Just as she was pulling on her coat the phone chimed again.

 

**Dorian**

_ I love you for so much more my dearest Emmy.  Like helping me to deal with Sera who has been shouting in my ear that I need to get you here for the past 20 minutes. _

 

**Emmy**

_ Sorry, love.  You’re gonna have to deal.  If you need, walk to my place and you can crash on my couch when your done. _

 

**Dorian**

_ You’re enjoying this.  Fine.  Tomorrow I’ll come by your shiny new office and see what makes it so much better than us.   But you owe me.  I took Sera’s phone so she can’t text you.  You’re welcome. _

 

**Emmy**

_ You sure know how to make my heart soar Dorian, see you tomorrow <3 _

 

With a smile she dropped her phone in her purse.  Her eyes went to the, now empty, tea mug sitting on her desk.  There was a moment of debate before she decided it would be better to just take it and wash it out tonight so it was ready in the morning.  She picked it up and headed to her door.  

Just as her hand reached for the doorknob she heard sounds on the other side.  Her brows furrowed and her heart beat an unsteady rhythm in her throat.  Merrill had left a while ago.  She knew this because the woman had come to cheerily ask if Emmy needed any help before she went.  There shouldn’t be anyone else in here.

Her stomach turned to rock and she had to work to fight all the scenarios that were playing through her head.  She took in a deep quiet breath while she worked through her options.  She wasn’t entirely helpless after all.  If she got the element of surprise she knew basic hand to hand fighting.  She also had… well she had a mug.  That could be smashed on the intruder's head giving her enough time to get away and call security.

_ Yes, good this is good.  I will vanquish my foe with my cat mug.  Cat… Darcy is going to be mad I’m so late.  Ugh focus you idiot. _

At least the door was secured.  No one could get in so she’d be able to---

Click.

_ The fuck!? _

The doorknob turned, and she moved her feet shoulder width apart while she lifted the mug.  The moment she saw the shape of someone start to enter, she swung.  In a flash her wrist was caught, quick breathing gently stirring the hair on the top of her head as her wrist was held firmly in place above her.

Even if she had been unable to see him, even if she had been unable to  _ smell  _ him, she would have known the moment his fingers touched her skin.  The touch was electric.  It was lighting going through her veins and it pissed her the fuck off.

Her pulse sped as she growled out, “Let. Me. Go.”

Then his voice, still like honey to her senses, “Are you going to bash my head in?”

“If I say no will you let me go?”

“Only if you mean it.  I am not particularly fond of dying tonight, much less death by,”  There was a pause as he looked at the object being wielded against him, “cat mug.”

Emmy ground her teeth together before saying in a flat tone, “If I’m going to take you out, it won’t be in my new office.  Maybe in some dark tunnel or under a bridge somewhere.  Someplace where I wouldn’t get blood all over my desk.”

Solas released her wrist.  She moved to quickly put space between them as she glared at him.  

“You sound as though you have thought this through.”

“On occasion.”  As her traitorous body allowed her mind to catch up with the situation, her eyes narrowed, “Why were you coming into  _ my  _ office?”

“I thought I had left a book in here.  I was not aware the new head archivist would be here, I apologize for startling you.”

“You--”  She took a deep breath the hand that didn’t hold the mug clenched and unclenched, “Why would your book be in here in the first place?”

“I was given permission to use this office on occasion until they filled the position.”  He shifted and his hands went behind his back, “It should not surprise you that I spend a great deal of my time utilizing the resources available here.”

Emmy’s hand tightened on the coffee mug as she worked to resist the overwhelming urge to chuck it at his head.  Instead, she took another deep breath, counting down, “Well, the book isn’t here.  So you can go now.  Out.”

He paused, shifting once again, “If you would not mind I--”

“I do mind.”

The first hint of emotion showed on his face as he frowned, “I would---”

“Listen, it isn’t here, but  _ if _ I am wrong, which I’m not, but if I am, I’ll have it brought to you.”  Then she walked over to the door and held it open with her free hand as she made a sweeping gesture with the arm that held the mug, “Now, out.”

Solas cleared his throat before he moved past her to leave.  Too close again.   He was too close.  His scent was filling her nostrils and it would be so easy to grab his shirt, go on tip-toes, and just---

_ Stop! What’s wrong with you?? _

She felt a headache starting to form.  She reached out to shut off the light before leaving the room herself.  With much more force than was strictly necessary, she shut the door behind her listening for the click of the automatic lock.  That was another thing; she’d need to find out what asshole decided giving him an access key to this area was a good idea.

He stood outside the room waiting for her.  His face stoic, shoulders pulled back, he had always looked so regal despite whatever he put on his body.  He chose clothes to conceal him and help him blend into the crowd.  It might have worked for some but it never had for her.  Even less so after she had seen what was under those clothes.  The height and strength they hide.  The lean muscles she had run her fingers along, her mouth, lost herself in until---

_ Damnit. _

She snapped at him, “How’d you get a key anyways?”

One fine brow raised, “I told you, I use the resou---”

“Fine.”  She waved her hand at him, “Just stay out of my office in the future.”

_ And away from me.  Stay far away with your idiotic mind numbing pheromones or whatever it is that makes me such an idiot.  Ass. _

With a huff, that was much more childlike than she intended, she straightened her shoulders and headed towards the small staff room to wash out her mug.  When she got there he had followed her.  She’d heard him behind her but expected him to veer off when they’d gotten to the lounge.  Instead, he had walked right in behind her.

She turned on the water and slammed the mug down into the sink under the flow.  Then she turned to him eyes blazing, “Was there something else?”

Still no emotion on his face as he stood in front of her, hands tucked neatly into his pant pockets, “It is dark.  The area is fairly safe, but since I am here, I would walk you to your car.”

The reaction in her was immediate.  She felt twitchy and blood began to pound in her ears.  When she spoke her voice was a low growl, “No.”

He frowned, “No?”

Her hands were shaking as she turned to shut off the faucet.  Then she gripped the edge of the sink till her knuckles turned white.  “Who do you think you are?”

“Pardon?”

In a flash she turned on him, her nostrils flaring, “You don’t get to fucking do this!  You don’t get to just show up after two years and pretend you give a shit!”

He winced, “Emmy, I--”

“No.  Stop.”  She didn’t care what he had to say and she hoped her words hurt.  She hoped they fucking cut till he felt a fraction of the pain she had.  

She moved closer to him till she was so near she had to tilt her face up to look at him, “Where were you!?  Where were you when I was afraid and hurting, when I felt like was screaming till I was raw but no one could hear me and all I wanted… what I needed more than anything was---”   _ Anything from you.  A word.  An e-mail.  To know you were alive and that you cared even a little.  To know that I wasn’t just someplace to stick your dick, a passing entertainment. _

She felt a familiar stinging in the corner of her eyes.  She fought hard to push it back, he wouldn’t have the satisfaction of seeing her break.  

She hated him.   Hated him with a desperate passion that burned her.  The problem was hating him was disturbingly similar to loving him.  Every moment with him spiked her blood with adrenaline, twisted her stomach into knots, and made her feel like her heart was pounding so hard her chest couldn’t contain it.  It consumed her till she felt her own body was barely under control.  It terrified her.  

One of his hands came up towards her face, “Emmy...”

Her hand came up and slapped his away, “Don’t touch me.”  She took a step back, “We work on the same campus and you use my archives.  We are,” She swallowed before spitting out the word, “neighbors.  We will have to see each other but that doesn’t mean that I have to like it.  I’ll be professional and I expect the same.  I don’t need you to do stuff like walking me to my car.  I’ve taken care of myself fine for the past two years.”  Her eyes came up to look into his, “I don’t need or want you.  I will tolerate you.  Do you understand me?”

His face was completely expressionless again as he straightened with his hands clasped behind his back, “Yes.”

“Good.”  She pushed past him.

Before she could turn to go down the hall he spoke from behind her, “Say it.  If it will make you feel better, say it.”

_ I hate you because I still… _

Without turning to look at him she said, “Good night, Dr. Evans.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early update because it's done and I have zero impulse control :D
> 
> Will probably have another one ready on Saturday ;)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the feels hit.


	7. Why

The rest of the week was relatively uneventful.  Emmy wasn't plagued by any more unwanted dreams, and Solas avoided conversations in his bedroom, so she hadn't heard him again.  Fen'harel hadn't e-mailed her since their last chat, not that she checked multiple times a day.  Darcy had adjusted to the new apartment.  Everything was officially unpacked.

As for work, the days went by with a mixture of transcriptions, digitizing of old photos, and working through a particularly extensive collection, which had come in shortly before she had started, centered around the Hero of Fereldon.  It was interesting, but there was a lot for her to work through.  On top of that was the usual e-mails, entering of meeting minutes, and general reference questions sent her way by librarians when they needed extra help or had a patron who wanted access to particularly delicate materials, something her or Merrill would need to supervise.

Today was a Friday which meant a new shipment of donations had come in early that morning.  She’d arrived at work by 6 to meet the delivery and since had been working through it with Merrill.  As usual, much of it was things that they had no use for.  One only needed so many diagrams of old toilets after all.  Part of preserving history was deciding what took priority since it was simply impossible to properly store and catalog every single bit of it.

Merrill spoke behind her, “Another toilet.  By the Dread Wolf, how many of these are there?”

Emmy snorted, “There  _ have _ been an awful lot of them with this one.  You’d think we were receiving donations from a toilet factory or something.   Whoever this private collector was their grandparents must have had some odd fascination for them.  Or a kink.”

There was quiet for a moment, “That’s a thing?  How does…”

Emmy finished up cataloging the last bit of paper in the box in front of her.  When she’d finished typing in the information, she tucked the document into its correct pile and stood, “I’m not sure I want to know, but I’m fairly certain it’s a thing.  There's a kink for everything.”

She glanced over at Merrill as she went to grab a nearby cart.  Merrill was shaking her head and mumbled, “Sometimes people confuse me.”

“That makes two of us.”  Emmy started moving her document piles onto the cart as she asked, “Ready to take the stuff down?  We might actually be out of here by five for once.”

Merrill laughed as she stood to gather her piles, “Oh, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if that happened.”

When they got to the elevator Merrill didn’t question why Emmy chose not to use it.  Merrill knew her habits.  Instead of using the elevator, she would push a cart into the elevator, hit the appropriate button, and then take the stairs and meet the items.  It was never an issue.  The elevator was ridiculously slow.  Still, Emmy had braced herself for questions the first few times.  When none had come, she’d started to relax.  The lack of prodding was just another thing to love about her new co-worker.

Just as she was reaching the bottom of the stairs, the elevator dinged and the doors slid open.  Merrill pushed out the cart and looked up, then her eyes went past Emmy’s shoulder, and she beamed.  

“Professor Evans!  It’s been a while.”

Emmy’s stomach dropped as she turned to find the last man she wanted to see.  He stood holding a medium sized tome in his gloved hands.  On his lower half, he wore pants that she refused to acknowledge flattered his thighs and sculpted rear.  On top, he had a neatly tucked white button up under a dark vest; the sleeves had been rolled up revealing the lightly freckled skin of his forearms.

At Merrill’s words, he had turned his head to look at them.  She only caught a flash of his eyes on her before they went to Merrill and he gave the woman an easy smile, “Hello, Merrill.  It has been a busy first week back, so I have been unable to make it here much.”

Emmy’s eyes narrowed, and she frowned, “This isn’t a public part of the archives.  These items are---”

“I have been given permission.  I am well aware of how to handle such things.”

Merrill pushed the cart forward, cheery and completely unaware of the tension that sparked in the air, “Professor Evans has a lot of experience handling old documents.  In fact, he has been able to teach me a few new things.”  She laughed as she pushed the cart to the area where the first pile of papers was to be stored.

“Be that as it may, these are my responsibility now and---”

He spoke over her as his eyes went back to the book, “Why is this filed under the fall of Arlathan?”

She ground her teeth, “Excuse me?”

“It seems to me this would be more suited under something to do with Tevinter history.”  Without looking up, he carefully turned the page and added, “It would perhaps aid you with your answer if you came close enough to see the item in question.  I would not bite you if you did.”

She noted he hadn’t said he  _ didn’t _ bite.  She couldn’t help but think it was because she knew he did bite, that he wanted her to be reminded of those circumstances when he had bitten her.  How many times had she woken up pleased with the light mark he had left behind on her skin?

“Is there a problem?”

Of course,  _ now  _ his eyes were on her, intent as they took in her face.  The feeling of heat that rose to her cheeks made her blood boil.  

_ Damn him. _

When she spoke she kept her voice cool, “Just a tiny, inconsequential memory, nothing worth note.  Honestly, it’s surprising I even recall it.”

A hint of something flashed in his eyes before they quickly flicked back to the book, “I see.  In that case, are you going to come look or shall I start reading passages out loud.”

With as much dignity as she could manage she stormed over to him.  The way he held the book forced her to move close to see the text, close enough that she could feel the heat of his body against her skin.  It was like sunshine on a warm day and his scent---

_ Traitorous.  Horrible, stupid body. _

She forced her eyes to focus on the text in front of her.  Ancient Tevene still was not her strongest area of expertise, but she was getting better.  As she translated it her mouth moved unconsciously going over each word.

When he spoke, it was hushed so that Merrill couldn’t hear it from her place down the stacks, “You still do that thing with your mouth when you translate.”

At his words, her eyes flicked up to meet his.  He was looking at her with that piercing gaze she knew so intimately.  The one that had always made her feel more bare and exposed than any time she had been nude with him.  

She stood there completely paralyzed by his examination, unmoving even as the voice of reason screamed at her she needed to back away.  Even as it reminded her that, in her study of the book, she had pressed herself against his arm and this was not good.  Tendrils of longing had already started to wind their way through her, thick and overwhelming.

When she managed to push out words, they were much less chastising than she’d intended.  Her body continuing its treachery,  “I fail to see how what my mouth does is any concern of yours.”

His eyes flicked to her lips then back to the book, “It is distracting.”

“Oh forgive me, I thought you were here out of professional interest.  I will strive to spare you from temptation in the future.”

“Spare me?”

“Yes, temptation is the road to all things bad after all or something like that.”

She saw his fingers flex against the cover, “How do you know I wish to be spared?”

Her heart did an uneven thump in her throat, “Excuse me?”

“I believe you heard me, but I will repeat,” his face remained completely neutral, but she greatly doubted she was holding her composure nearly so well, “How--”

Merrill’s voice chirped in from his other side, “All filed.”  Merrill’s eyes went to the book he had been holding, the book that the two of them hadn’t even really addressed, “You two still figuring out the filing for that thing?”

The suddenness of Merrill’s interruption finally got a reaction from Solas.  It came in the form of the slightest jump, but it was enough that his arm temporarily knocked against one of her breasts.  The action sent a jolt of electricity down her spine and had the small hairs on her nape standing on end.  

At least it was enough to finally get her to put space between them.  Her voice was impressively neutral when she spoke, “I recognize the text now.  It is written by a Tevinter, but it is about the fall of Arlathan.  The man was traveling and saw aspects of it, which is the key interest in the diary.  Therefore, it is prudent to file it here instead of amongst things related to ancient Tevinter.  The rest of the diary holds nothing that we didn’t know about Tevinter through other texts.”

She heard him inhale as he shut the book and placed it back in its proper spot.  Then he pulled off his gloves, and she saw the smallest hint of a tremble in his fingers.  It was childish, silly, but it made her smile.

Then he spoke, and her smile left, “I wonder, why you assume that this man’s words are fact.  We know the Tevinters have a habit of taking and twisting history to their ends, especially when it comes to the People.”  As he pulled off the last glove he turned to face her, “I do not mean insult, I am simply curious if you have reasons or are simply taking the words of a dead Tevinter as truth.”

How dare he.  He comes into  _ her  _ archives and questions if she is doing  _ her _ job properly.  After all, he had done to her.  After everything, he pulls this shit.  Arrogant son of a bitch.

“Are you suggesting that I don’t do my research?”

“Not necessarily.  I simply was wondering at your reasoning behind believing the diary contained truths instead of made up tales based on things Tevinter found and stole as their own.”

She was surprised that fire wasn’t coming out of her ears in some cartoonish mockery, such was the rage that boiled in her blood.  She wanted to wipe that fucking calm look off his face, to push him against the shelves and kick his legs wider.  Then she’d put her knee in the little triangle of his groin and pull herself up him, making him grunt with pain.

She’d rip open the collar of his shirt and put her hands around that long graceful neck of his.  Then she’d squeeze and squeeze as he struggled beneath her.  The scent of his skin, sandalwood, books, and ink, filling her nostrils as she felt the heat of him under her fingertips.

“What are you imagining, Miss Lavellan; your expression is,” He paused a beat, and his tongue darted out to lick his lower lip, “filthy.”

Totally forgetting Merrill was standing right there, she spoke, and her voice came out so husky it would make a phone sex operator sound like a nun, “Bare hands on your neck, strangling you.”

His eyes went dark, “Is that your new kink.”

“It seems to be one you alone bring out in me.”

His pupils got even bigger, eyebrows lifting as he opened his mouth then closed it.  It would appear that she had rendered him speechless.  It was beautiful.

Merrill cleared her throat, eyes wide as she looked between the two of them, “Are you two--”

“No.”  They answered at the same time, in the same tone, as they continued to stare each other down.

“Right.  I’m going to uhm… go take the cart back now.”  Merrill rushed away, and Emmy hardly registered the ding of the elevator as she went.

With one wide stride, Solas moved, so he was so close to her that the tips of his perfectly polished shoes touched her run down brown boots.  She swallowed, her knees feeling like jelly.  She wanted to slap him, to tear his eyes out, to rake her nails along his skin, to have his mouth on hers, to devour him as he devoured her in return.

When he spoke his tone was so cool and collected you would think they were two old friends having a conversation over coffee about the latest book they’d read.  “Why are you here, Em?”

Her heart clenched at the shortened use of her name, “Don’t call me that.”  Then a thought came to her and she glared at him as best she could, given how close he was, “Why?  Do you think I came because you were here?  That I hunted you down or something?”

Finally, an emotion crossed his face, a small hint of surprise chased quickly by the slight tilt of his head, “Did you?”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but no, I didn’t.  After it finally sunk in that you’d disappeared, I didn’t look, not even once.”  Then her voice fell to a whisper, “It hurt too much.”

“Em.”

She saw his hand move in the side of her vision and took several large steps back away from him, “Stop calling me that, I hate it.  And I meant it hurt too much  _ then _ .  When it first happened.  After a few months…” She paused then forced the lie out even as her body seemed to protest it, “I just didn’t care.”

With one last glance in the direction of the nearby stacks she turned from him without allowing her eyes to look at his face, only sweeping over his chest, “You know what happened.  Everyone knows.  After all of that, I just wanted a chance to have a normal life.  Try to have a new start.”  She gave a soft bitter laugh as she started walking away, “Only my luck could have that attempt end up like this.”

Sure she was no longer fighting to “save the world,” but her life had still managed to remain complicated in creative and messed up ways.  Just as she was starting up the stairs, a hand was on her elbow, firm but not enough that she couldn’t yank free if she wanted to.

“I am sorry, Emmy.”

For some reason she didn’t pull away but froze, only moving enough so she could turn her head to look at his chest, the strong line of his jaw, “It was a long time ago.  I got over it a long time ago.  There’s no need to go there; I don’t want anything from you.”  

_ A lie.  Such a huge lie that it burned like acid on her tongue. _

“I know, and it is selfish of me, but I need you to know.  What we---”  She saw his deep breath in the shuddering lift of his chest, “What I felt, it was not a lie.”

His words made her knees go weak once more.  She wanted to sink to the floor with the force of them pressing on her.  Part of her wanted to really talk to him, to ask him all the things she had wanted to ask him since the day he left.  To discuss everything like the two adults they were.  But a bigger part of her couldn’t go there because she was terrified it would break her.  Only recently had she started to truly feel like she was piecing herself back together again after everything, she couldn’t shatter again.

Instead of being an adult and facing her feelings she pried her arm free as she said, “Are you done or was there more you needed to say to try to make yourself feel better?”

He frowned, “That was not my intent.”

“Wasn’t it?  What was your intent then?”  His mouth opened, then shut again, and he shifted.  She turned from him once more, “As I thou---”

“I would like if we could be civil.  I do not expect you to forgive me.  I do not expect your friendship or anything else from you but...”  She had stopped on the steps, and he paused to find the right words, “I would not make your life harder if I could help it.  You must understand that I have my reasons for being unable to leave, if I could, I would.”

Why?  Why did those words sting so terribly?  If he left that would solve her biggest problem, everything would be simple again or as simple as they could be.  She could start trying to build a life for herself.  A life without him in it.

He wanted to run from her.  Again.

She turned to face him; now she stood three steps above him so she was able to look down her nose at him, “Tell me, is it habitual for you to run from  _ all _ your problems or just from  _ me _ ?”

From the look on his face, she was fairly sure she’d landed a solid punch.  He took a deep breath then turned towards the elevator.  She thought for a moment he would simply leave, but he stopped before turning back and crossing over to her in a few quick steps.  He stood on the bottom step so his face was more even with hers and she was within a foot of him.

“You are the only thing that has ever terrified me enough that I felt I had no other choice.  Wrong as I was.”

Despite the fact that his words made a familiar desire pool in her lower belly she managed to keep her tone even, “Oh yes, I’m completely terrifying.  The thing of nightmares and you always had a choice, Solas.  You could have said something, anything.  Broken it off like a normal person.  Just vanishing was--”

Now when his hand came up to brush a knuckle across her cheek, she didn’t jerk from him or slap him away.  She allowed it even as it made her forget how to breathe.  “Cruel.  Inexcusable.  Unforgivable.”  He let his hand fall back to his side with a soft sigh, “All would be appropriate words in this case.”   He started to turn and go but then paused, “Emmy, you are not of nightmares.  You are of the sweetest dreams; the ones that I never even knew I desired, knew I needed, until you.”  He shook his head, “I am sorry.  Good night Emmy.”

With that he turned from her, once more going to the elevator.  She stood in frozen silence as he waited for the doors to open.  It felt like an eternity as she fought for words to say, fought to still the racing of her mind.  She felt her body shaking and hated herself for it.

When he did finally step into the elevator, he looked at her one last time.  His expression visibly pained, tormented, and so lonely it made her ache.  She didn’t move, though something deep in her core was pushing her, telling her to go to him.  She couldn’t.  She couldn’t let herself surrender to him like that again, never again.

The doors closed and he was gone.  She stood there for another minute, took a deep breath, and pulled out her phone.  She scrolled through her contacts with shaking fingers till she found the name she wanted.  Then she selected it and started up the stairs, phone ringing in her ear.  

After she was halfway up, a voice sounded in her ear, “Emmy, so you do know that you can use the phone for more than just texting!  It’s a miracle.”

Despite her best efforts, her voice shook as she said, “I would take you up on those drinks now.”

“I’m getting on my coat now.”  There was a beat and some rustling from the other end of the line before a hesitant, “Are you alright?”

“I’ll be fine.  Just meet me at the Singing Maiden, if Bull is with you bring him along too.”

“As if I could stop him.  The man already has his coat on and is half out the door.”

She smiled as she reached the top of the stairs and headed down the hall to her office, “Good.  I’ll text Sera.”  She paused a beat, “And Dorian?”

She heard the slamming of a car door in the background, “Yes?”

“Thank you.  You’re the best.”

“Naturally.”

She gave a small genuine laugh, “See you soon, Dorian.”

With that, she hung up and went to gather her things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be my light easy fic. 
> 
> *starts laughing insanely before curling into feels ball*
> 
> Curse you Solas.
> 
> Anyways, hope you all enjoyed! ;)


	8. Let's Pretend This Never Happened

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains drunken shenanigans. 
> 
> Solas POV now up that covers some of this chapter as well as touching briefly on the previous chapter, found [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9250268/chapters/21454514)

They’d been at the bar for who the fuck knows how long.  She lost track somewhere after her second shot of tequila and third beer.  Then totally stopped caring and spilled the entire story about what happened between her and Solas to the group after her.... third.. no fifth... or... well some shot.  She’d lost track of that too.  Didn’t care.

Did not care.  

It was bliss.

Sera was also drunk at that point.  She was running about terrifying random men to arm wrestling competitions.  Something the first few had found hugely amusing until she beat them all.  Now every time she approached someone, or re-approached them as the case may be, they’d blanch and mumble excuses.

Dorian seemed slightly buzzed, and Bull seemed not affected at all.  That should change.

“More fuzzy navel nipple!”  She shouted as she pounded down her last empty shot glass.

Bull shook his head at the barkeep before looking at her, “First off, Boss, that’s not a thing.  Second, I think you’ve had enough.”

“Nooooooo.  You’ve only got four horns still.”

Bull raised an eyebrow and shook his head, “I’m gonna get the tab.”

She attempted to make pbbhhhtt sound with her tongue at him, but her lips felt funny, so she wasn’t sure how successful she was.  Her eyes turned to Dorian only to find him staring at her as though she’d grown another head.

“What your eyes?”

He raised a brow, “I’m going to assume you’re asking why I’m staring.”

“That.”

“You and Solas, that was really a thing?”

She scowled, “Do you need,”  She paused as she hunted for the word.

“Details?”  She nodded, and Dorian gave a slight wrinkle of his nose, “No.  I do know how that works I’m just amazed he had it in him and that you…”  He eyed her then leaned back, “Well, was he always like he is now?”

“Yes.” Amended, “No.”  It was difficult sorting through the sludge that was her brain at the moment.  

“Thank you.  That answered all my questions perfectly.”

Bull walked up with Sera slung over his shoulder cursing about how no one was brave enough to fight her.  His voice carried easily over hers, “Let’s get these two home.”

“I’ll walk.”  

At least that’s what she meant to say.  From the exchanged glance between Dorian and Bull, she’d guess that wasn’t how it came out.

Dorian walked over and wrapped a hand around her waist just as she started to stand up off the stool.  “Not so fast.  I’m not really in the mood to deal with a head injury tonight if you don’t mind.”

“I’m fffiiinnnneee, Dorian.”

He ignored her and kept his hand firmly at her waist.  She would have fought it more if the room wasn’t tilting so much.  To try and keep from losing the contents of her stomach to the whirlwind around her, she kept her eyes on Sera’s flailing upper body as they followed Bull outside.

Then there was blackness, and the next time she realized what was happening there was Bull’s face looking in at her as Sera drooled on her shoulder.

“Final stop, boss.  Let’s get you to bed.”  With one hand Bull reached across from her and tenderly moved Sera from Emmy’s shoulder to leaning back on the seat.  Sera gave a loud snore but didn’t wake.

“I don’t need help with bed.”

“Sure, boss.  I just want to see your new place again.”  He stood back so that she could step out and held his hand to her,  “Come on.”

She pouted and ignored his hand as she scooted her butt towards the open door of the car.  “Not your boss anymore, Bull.  I--”

As she stood and placed a foot down on the ground outside it swayed away from her violently.  In less than a beat, she was falling and then she was flying to land cradled against a warm body.  Her eyes looking up past horns to a twinkling night sky and, after a moment, to the familiar ceiling of her building.

There was the beep of the car being locked then Dorian’s voice behind them, “That’ll let us know if she wakes up while we’re taking care of this one.  Honestly, that I’m the sober one...”

Emmy reached up towards one of the, now many, Bull horns above her until her fingers hit one that was solid.  They traced over the ridges and pulled experimentally as Bull grunted.

“They’re attached to my head still, thanks for checking.”

“Welcome.”

There was another lapse of time in her mind, and suddenly they were in her hallway with Dorian holding her purse as he swung her door open.  They walked in, and she heard her door close again, and a curious meow from Darcy as Bull walked her into her bedroom.  Then he stopped just outside her door.

Chopin could be heard playing on the other side of her bedroom wall, clear as if she had it on in her room.  She let out a long groan at the images it brought and the memories that threatened to poke their way through her drunk haze.

She tried to focus on Bull’s face as he spoke but it was moving too much, “So Boss, this guy really did a number on you huh?”

Her brows furrowed, “No.  I---”  She gulped back air and realized she’d started to cry for some unfathomable reason, “Fine.”

“I have an idea.”

“Yes?”

Whatever was making Bull now grin Dorian had apparently caught on.  He came over as Bull crossed the door into Emmy’s bedroom, “This is a terrible idea.”

Bull let her fall on the bed rather unceremoniously, and she let out a little squeak of surprise.  Then Bull brought a finger in a shushing motion up to Dorian who rolled his eyes but leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed.

Darcy came up to jump onto the bed, rubbing his head against her face before he settled.  Bull gave him a look, paused, but then shrugged as his hands went to the end of the bed.  

“What---”

He pulled and then pushed, so her bed hit with a thud against the wall.  Darcy’s claws came out gripping the covers as he gave Bull a look that screamed, I dare you to try that shit again.  Emmy for her part was too confused to do anything.

Than Bull did do it again.  Darcy hissed and jumped off the bed darting past Dorian into the living room.  Bull repeated but this time gave a satisfied grunt, a very sexual in nature grunt.  Emmy’s eyes went big as saucers, but then he increased the bed movement till he had a steady motion going.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

She gripped the covers as he grinned at her and continued making the occasional lewd noise as a companion to his banging.  Her eyes went from Bull to Dorian who was still standing calmly despite the fact that his face was firehouse red.  That was enough to confirm that what she thought was happening was really happening.

Now she felt herself start to giggle uncontrollably and had to fight hard to hold it back.  Instead, she crawled her way up to the top part of her bed.  Then she started her attempt at little and moaning noises.

“Oh there, yes.”  

Dorian snickered now, and Bull caught her attention with a movement of his hand.  He brought his fingers up to his mouth shook his head slightly.  No talking then.  She went back to just making little fake mewling sounds.  

After another minute or so of that, the music on the other side of the wall abruptly shut off.  She waited with baited breath as Bull continued to bang her bed.  That must have gotten him.  Any minute now he’d be banging on the wall yelling at them to---

There was banging, but it wasn’t coming from her wall.  

Dorian straightened and schooled his features as he went into the living room.  Bull smirked and let her bed drop before he followed.  Her heart was pounding fast and hard in her throat as she quickly pulled her hair down and ruffled it.  

Without thinking, she pulled off her top, so she was only in her bra and pants then scurried off the bed.  She went into the doorframe and leaned against it in, what she thought was, a sexy but uninterested pose.  She forced her eyes to stay away from the door.

When Dorian opened it, she heard Solas speak immediately and he did not sound pleased, “What are--”

At the sudden stop in his words, she couldn’t help but look towards him.  He stood staring at her, his eyes intent and brows furrowed as his chest rose and fell in quick breaths.  A fact that was evident because he wore nothing but a pair of sweatpants, water still making his chest slick from the bath she knew he had been taking.

Dorian swung the door wider for him as he said, “Good you’re finally here, we were---”

“Having sex.”  She shouted across the room in an attempt to help the situation, a satisfied grin on her face.

Dorian looked at her and shook his head just a hint before pushing past Solas, “We have another one in the car.  Take care of her tonight, yes?  You can do that much at least.”

Solas’ mouth fell open before he snapped it shut looking between the three people in front of him.  Dorian pushed out into the hall and Bull followed but not before giving a warning, “I’m going to be calling her in the morning.”

With that, her two friends vanished down the hall leaving her alone with her half naked ex.  She scowled.  Correction, her two soon to be dead friends.  She was going to strangle them both.  As soon as her room stopped tilting.

With the room, her stomach began to heave horribly.  She would deal with the man who she wanted to bang, no not bang kill yes kill that’s it, when she was done with her toilet meeting.  By some miracle of nature, she managed to make it all the way there before she lost the contents of her stomach.

Once she flushed, she took a deep breath and moved to curl up on the tiles.  The coolness feeling absolutely delightful on her pounding temple.  Just a minute, just one more minute and she’d deal with that problem in her living room.  She heard soft footfall, a sigh, and then there was a hand placed on her head before she went into a blissful lack of awareness.

When she woke up again, it was to have her mouth opened as something was slipped in.  Her head pounded and stomach rolled again as she struggled.  

There was a calm, if somewhat annoyed voice, that spoke next to her.  “Stop squirming.  I have no intention of poisoning you, these will help.”  Solas’ hand was cradling her head as he placed a pill on her tongue and then brought a glass of water to her lips.  “Drink.”  When she did he lowered her gingerly down to the bed.

He set the water next to the bed, and his hand was on her forehead again feeling her temperature.  She blinked at him; her eyes managed to lock onto the familiar lines of his face as she said, “I’m not sick you know, just stupid.”  She gave a mournful sigh, “You’ll never let me live this down.”

“Emmy, hush.”  He let his hand brush softly over her forehead to her cheek, sweeping a strand of hair out of her face.  Then he adjusted her pillow a bit as he assessed her one last time.

She swallowed, “Ok.  Will you…” Her fingers picked at the sheets, and she looked away from him as she continued, “Please stay for a minute.  I mean, sorry that’s stupid, you don’t have--”

“I am not going anywhere, Emmy.”  Then so quietly that she thought she might have imagined it, “Never again.”  He bent down, hesitated, and then placed a soft kiss on her forehead before saying, “Now sleep.”

She got up once more at some time in the night.  With one hand he held a wastebasket under her while the other carefully kept her hair out of her face.  When she’d finished, he helped her settle back down before wiping her face with a wet cloth and placing another wet cloth on her head.  

She mumbled something incoherent, her brain still fogged from the pounding headache.  Then she brought a hand up, and her fingers brushed against his jaw.  He stiffened before releasing a lungful of air.  She brushed a line down his jawbone before placing her finger on the small dimple of his chin.  Only then did she pull her hand away and fall back to sleep.

When her eyes opened the next day, her head was clear and her stomach completely settled.  It still took her a while to figure out what the hell was going on.  This was not her room, she did not have soft gray walls, and she certainly did not have beautiful blue sheets that felt like how she’d imagine a cloud would feel.  

Then she sniffed and immediately her nostrils were filled with the delicious smells of sandalwood and books.  Before she realized what she was doing she had nuzzled her face further into the sheets.  When she did finally realize what all this meant she shot up in the bed eyes wide, a cloth falling onto her lap.

Bits and pieces of the night came back to her in a rush, and she groaned her humiliation.  She looked to the nightstand, and there was a half full glass of water.  Her fingers went down to lift the washcloth.  None of it had been a dream then.  He had cared for her all night, she had… gods she’d thrown up in front of him, and that wasn’t even the worst of it.  The whole fake sex thing was so---

_ Ugh.  Idiot, you’re a total moron Lavellan. _

She shifted and pulled the covers off letting her legs go over the bed till the toes of her bare feet touched the floor.  Only then did she realize the best part.  She was in one of his shirts and that was it.  Well other than her bra and underwear, small blessings.

There was a vague memory of her tossing off her shirt in an attempt to… well to do something.  Something that had seemed like a great idea at the time.  But what the fuck had happened to her pants?  For that matter how had she gotten from her place to his in the first place?  Even more important, how would she get out of this without making any more of an idiot of herself?

Her eyes wandered the space again.  It was neat, mostly neutral tones, but there were bursts of color here and there.  The robin’s egg blue sheets, a beautiful landscape painting over the bed, curtains designed in a pattern that was somehow both intricate and understated, and a small stack of books on one night stand.  Everything about the space was so Solas it made her heart clench.

There was a soft knock from the direction of the door.  She turned towards the sound to find him standing there completely relaxed.  He was wearing a loose running tee, fitted running leggings that were a stark reminder of how he had the finest thighs she’d ever seen, and bare feet.  Thank the gods that the shirt was long enough to cover his crotch otherwise she might have turned to a complete drooling idiot.  As it was, she was having trouble forming words, but she wasn’t slathering at the mouth, more small blessings.

“I am glad to see you awake.  If you wish, feel free to use the bathroom.  I set out an unopened toothbrush for you and some toothpaste,” he gestured to a closed door opposite the windows she was facing.  “When you are done come out to the living area, and we can talk some.”

She squeaked out what must have been a passable, “ok,” because he gave her one of his soft smiles and turned to go back out.

With one last deep breath, she stood and padded her way into the bathroom.  Once there she took in the damage.  All things considered, it wasn’t awful.  She quickly ran her fingers through her hair to fix some of the flyaways before getting to work with brushing her teeth.  A small little sigh of pleasure escaped her as she brushed off all the yuck that came after a night like she’d had.  

Her eyes took in the space around her as she continued to brush, eyes stopping on the large soaking tub next to his glass shower.  She went over to it trying not to drool any toothpaste out of the corner of her mouth.  There were a few candles set up on one corner and a book on another.  She had been right; he still had that same bath habit.  

Her body started to flush at the thought that she was in a room he was regularly naked in.  That he had been naked in that bath just last night before they’d disturbed him with their childish sex show.  

She felt toothpaste start to try and leak out of the corner of her mouth and hurried to the sink to spit then rinse.  It was a welcome distraction, thinking too much on all that right now was not a good thing.  This whole situation was awkward enough without her being swamped with memories of him in a tub.

Once her mouth was clean, she turned to go to the other door in the bathroom that she assumed led out to his living space.  As her hand touched the handle, she felt her heart speed and stomach start to flutter.  She froze staring at the design of the wood on the door for at least a full minute until she realized she couldn’t stay in the bathroom forever.  Eventually, she’d have to face him.

Shutting her eyes, she inhaled and counted down from ten.  When she got to one, she opened her eyes once more and swung the door open walking out.  Her eyes immediately started to dart everywhere taking in the space around her.  

His apartment was at least twice the size of hers, a corner unit that had the balcony space wrapping around two sides.  She thought she saw a small garden on one of the sides, but it was hard to tell from here.  The living space itself was minimalist but comfortable.  Again it was mostly neutral colors with unexpected bursts of color here and there from things like the pillows on the couch.

The smell of coffee suddenly filled her nostrils, and she turned her head, nose flaring as she scented out the location.  Now her eyes took in the kitchen.  It too was bigger than hers and much neater.  Also probably had seen more actual cooking than hers ever would.  

Bonus, it also contained a strikingly handsome man.  Another thing she doubted her kitchen would ever have.  The man in question turned to her with a coffee mug in his hand.

“Good morning, Emmy.”  Solas held the cup out to her, “You still take your coffee with cream?”

“I--”  She swallowed, started again, “Yeah, does this mean you’ve started drinking coffee also?”

“No.  I have a coffee maker for if I have a guest who wants it.”

She eyed the cup wearily, “You didn’t have to make a whole pot just for me.  I can go a morning without.”

Solas chuckled, and the sounds sent warmth cascading over her, “If my previous knowledge is anything to go by that is a false statement.”  He continued to hold the cup out to her with a half smile, “If I wished to poison you, Emmy, I had plenty of opportunities last night.  I assure you it is safe to drink.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean…”  She shook her head and moved forward to take the mug from him.  When she did her fingers brushed against his sending a familiar jolt of electricity through her.  She cleared her throat, “Thank you.”

“It is nothing.”  He turned to the fridge and pulled out a carton of eggs setting them on the counter.  Then he bent down to get a frying pan out of a lower cabinet, the action giving her a great view of his perfectly sculpted rear.  Gods, she had never seen such a fine ass on anyone male or female.  He’d ruined her for all future butts.

“Do you still take your eggs over medium with two slices of dark toast?”

“Yes, but uhm, I mean you really don’t have to---”

He straightened and put the pan on the stove as he said, “I want to.  Sit.”  He gestured behind him at the bar area.

She hesitated debating how awkward it would be if she put down the mug then made a run for it.  Considering all he had done, and the fact she was wearing his shirt, probably pretty damn awkward. When she weighed her options just sitting was the best one at the moment, so she did as he asked making herself comfortable on one of the bar stools.

Before she took her first sip of coffee, she glanced down.  The ratio of cream to coffee was perfect, just enough to make it a lighter brown, exactly how she liked it.  She took a sip and said, “I’m surprised you remember all this.”

With a swift, graceful movement, he cracked the eggs on the side of the pan then took the shells over to the waste basket before he answered, “I am fortunate to have a very good memory when it comes to things that are of importance to me.”

She had been taking a sip of coffee when he spoke and nearly choked on it at his words.  Her heartbeat fluttered insistent against her skin, and her whole body tingled.  

This man had shattered her world.  Broke her heart into a million pieces and stayed away even when she needed him the most.  Now here she was, after one week of being with him, ready to jump his bones again.

And the award for person with the least amount of resolve and self-respect goes to… Emmy Lavellan.  Come on up Emmy, give a speech.

“I appreciate what you’ve done Solas but one night doesn’t make up for---”

“I am aware.”  He flipped her egg over, “But Emmy, I want to make it right.”

She looked down at the coffee mug she held cradled in her hands, fingers clenching tighter around it as she spoke quietly, “I don’t know if you can.”

There was a deep intake of breath, “I have to try.”

This was not a conversation to have first thing in the morning, she didn’t know when was a good time to have it, but she knew it wasn’t now.  “Let’s not do this right now ok?”

There was silence as he pulled a plate from an upper cabinet and put her eggs on.  Then he grabbed bread, placing two slices in the toaster, only then did he turn and come over to face her.  He leaned over the counter, so he was mere inches from her as his hand came up, his fingertips brushing over her fingers that still held firm to the warmth of the mug.

Her eyes came up to meet his, and her breath caught.  As she became completely trapped by his gaze, she couldn’t help the rush wishes that filled her.  Inarticulate needs rose to perilous levels inside of her, things she had worked so hard to contain now feeling as though they might make her erupt from the intensity of it.  How easy it would be to press her lips to his, just a small movement forward and she’d taste him again.

“For now, I will do as you ask.”  One more brush of his fingers along hers and he straightened, turning to go to the toaster that had finished her bread.  He put the toast on the plate then brought it over to her.  Then he opened a drawer grabbing a fork which he placed next to the plate.  “Eat up.”

Her eyes went from him, now busy cleaning up, back to her plate.  She was completely confused about what the fuck had just happened.  All she knew was that she now was finding it difficult to remember how her lungs worked.

Without looking at her he asked, “Is there something wrong with the eggs?”

“I---”   _ You what Emmy? _ “No, they’re good.  Thanks.”

Having trouble processing everything that was happening her body went into auto mode.  She set her coffee down and went to work eating the eggs.  The perfectly cooked and seasoned eggs because, of course, they would be perfect.  The little sigh of contentment that came from her at first bite was completely beyond her control.

As she greedily gobbled up her breakfast, Solas finished cleaning then leaned back against the counter opposite her.  When she finished putting the last bit of egg-soaked bread in her mouth she looked up to find him completely relaxed, hands gripping the counter and a smile on his face as he watched her.  

“How is your head?”

She worked to finish chewing the last bite then swallowed, “It’s perfectly fine.”  

Which, now that she thought of it, was odd.  All things considered, she should have the monster of hangovers now.  She vaguely remembered him waking her at one point to give her some kind of pills, was that what had done it?

“I am glad to hear it, but now I would like to go on my run before it gets too much warmer out.”

Oh, a dismissal then, but she should have known.  It was one of his running days and, even if she hadn’t remembered his habits, the running outfit was enough of an indicator.  So why did she suddenly want to grip the counter and not let go?  Why did she so desperately want to stay in this place surrounded by everything that was him?

She managed to push out words in a surprisingly cheery voice,  “Yeah, of course.  Sorry I kept you.  You could’ve just kicked me out when I woke up you know.  In fact,” she stood and looked at him her head tilted a touch, “Why am I in your apartment?”

“It was more convenient for me to care for you here.”  He went over to take her plate, and she started to say she’d do it but he stopped her, “I’ll clean it when I get home.”  He took it over to the sink and said, “I also fed your cat, Darpy?  Dashy?  You were shouting a name which I presumed was the cats, but you were not exactly clear.”

She felt heat rise to her cheeks and mumbled, “Darcy and thanks for that too.”

He smirked, “Darcy?  As in Pride and Prejudice Darcy?”

She frowned, “Yes, why?”

“I suppose I just did not see you liking that book character, much less liking him enough to name your cat after him.”  

She started toward the door, and he followed behind, “Why?  I clearly have a thing for arrogant, know-it-all, men who have trouble getting close to people.”

She had expected some kind of snappish response, but to her astonishment, he chuckled.  “I will keep that in mind.” They were at the door, and he reached around her, his chest brushing against her shoulder as he went to open it for her.  Which meant when he spoke his mouth was close enough to her ear that the words tickled her skin,  “It means I still have a chance.”  

He took a step back from her and gestured out the door.  Completely unable to form any cohesive thoughts, much less words, she moved out of his apartment.  He walked out behind her shutting the door before starting down the hall towards the elevators.

When he got to the elevator doors, he pressed the button and glanced down the corridor to her as he said, “Have a good day Emmy.  You can bring back my shirt whenever you are done with it.”

The ding of the doors sounded, and he walked into the elevator leaving her frozen in the hallway.


	9. Fire? Fire!

Emmy shifted while she waited for the internet technician to finish hooking her up.  She’d thrown on a pair of running shorts under Solas’ shirt.  Yes she still wore it.  It was a Saturday, she had nowhere to be, and it was comfortable.  That was the only reason.  It wasn’t because it smelled like him or reminded her of the times before.  It wasn’t that at all.

Her cell phone dinged for the thousandth time in the past thirty minutes.  She gritted her teeth and ignored it.

The internet tech looked over her shoulder. “Someone must really want to get a hold of you,” she remarked.

“They’re dead.  It’s bad luck to speak to the dead.”

The girl blinked, cleared her throat, and turned back to her work, working considerably faster now.  Emmy strolled towards the windows when her cell beeped again.  This time she sighed deeply and stormed over to the stupid device.  She was starting to understand Solas’ refusal to get one.

She picked up the phone and glared at it.  Sure enough, a screen full of messages from Dorian and Bull, the last two from Dorian threatening to come over.  She frowned and quickly typed in a text to him telling him she was home and breathing; that if  _ he _ wanted to stay breathing he shouldn’t come over.  Then, when it showed as delivered, she shut the stupid thing off.

Her Wi-fi was soon set up and ready to use.  Emmy thanked the girl as she left.  The moment the door was shut she hurried to her laptop.  Then she plopped down on the couch with it, put in the Wi-Fi password, and opened her personal e-mail.  She went to compose a new message and typed in ‘Fen’harel’.  Then she typed in everything that had happened to her last night.  At least what she could remember, but she couldn’t hit send.  She’d shared with him everything about her life, except for one thing.  Solas.  

Why did it feel so odd bringing him up in an e-mail with Fen’harel?  It wasn’t as though they were in a romantic relationship, as much as she had tried to be for a while.  Why did it feel as though she was breaking some cardinal rule about bringing up past relationships with your current one?  

Emmy’s eyes scanned over the words as she drummed her fingers on the laptop listening to the soft tap of her nails.  After a moment she shook her head and highlighted the entire message before hitting delete then starting over.

 

**Recipient:** Fen’harel

**Subject:** We are go!

 

_ Good news, I’m back in the current century!  Home officially has internet.  It has been an eventful couple of days but all in all I still love the apartment and my new job.  It’s at Skyhold University, though I’m guessing you already knew that somehow.  You and your all seeing self. _

 

_ Emmy _

 

_ P.S.  I better not get some strange obscure donations suddenly for the archives.  Well, unless they are interesting obscure donations, but please, for the love of Mythal, do  _ not _ send toilet blueprints. _

 

As she hit send her stomach gave a small rumble.  She patted it and debated what to do for dinner.  She could go out but that would require putting on actual clothing, not to mention her budget was tight, which also ruled out getting food delivered.

She shut her laptop, setting it on top of a stack of papers on the living room table, then she stood and padded into the kitchen.  The cabinets held little in the way of food.  Oatmeal, which she didn’t even like so was unsure why she had to begin with.  Cereal, an option but not particularly appetizing to her as a dinner.  Some bread so she could maybe make a peanut butter sandwich  _ if  _ she had peanut butter, which turns out she didn’t.  So that was out.

Pretty much accepting the fact that she’d be stuck with the cereal squares, she opened her freezer just in case.  Inside there was a box of frozen burger patties.  She had zero recollection of buying them but was overjoyed.  She had no buns but she could just use regular bread.  Not like she had anyone to impress.

She did a quick scan of the instructions on the box before she pulled out a frying pan and poured in some oil.  Once that was heated she plopped the burger down.  The box said 10 minutes or until brown and then flip.  She did a quick check of the clock before her eyes went back to the living room.  The day was beautiful out so she opened her patio doors and took a deep inhale of the crisp air.  Then she left the doors open and went to sit on the couch.

Tucking her legs under her she cuddled into the cushion and picked up the romance book she had been reading.  Soon she was pulled into the world, cheesy as it was, and found herself in a far off land going on a daring adventure with an attractive knight.  That was until the pleasant smell of mountain air was replaced by the acrid smell smoke.

Her nose wrinkled and she lifted her chin sniffing the air to hunt down the source.  When her eyes went to her kitchen she let out a small scream.  She shot over the back of the couch so fast she almost fell when she hit the floor with a loud thump.  Then she was running into the kitchen and towards the small fire that had started in her pan.

This is why she didn’t fucking cook.  Ever.  Something always happened.  She shouldn’t even legally be allowed cooking paraphernalia.  Or a kitchen.  For now she was hoping from one foot to the other as she thought what to do.

Darcy was being very helpful.  He was sitting on the breakfast bar and hissing at the flames while she tried to think what to do.  Panicking she grabbed a large glass out of her cabinets, filled it with water, and then tossed that on the flames.  It did nothing.  If anything it made it flare and she screamed again jumping back as she dropped the glass.  It shattered on the floor with a crash and she let out a string of curses.

“Where are your pan lids?”

Solas’ voice behind her made her jump as she turned, “How did--”

“Lids, Emmy.”

She gestured to the lower cabinet near the fridge.  He moved with a swift grace, going to dig through her lids until he found one that would fit and placed it over the pan smothering the flames in an instant.  

Emmy’s heart was beating hard against her ribs, adrenaline still spiking through her body and making her fidget.  Perfectly calm Solas lifted the lid and glanced underneath at the charred remains of her dinner.  Then he turned to her, a barely suppressed smirk of amusement on his face.

“I see your skills in the kitchen have not changed, and when I say skills I meant to utilize that word. Not everyone could start a fire by cooking a,”  He looked down at the pan, “frozen burger, was it?”

She frowned, “Yes well, I got distracted.”

“I assure you it was for the best, frozen burgers are nothing to be mourned.”

Then her brows furrowed, “Right, well as much as I appreciate your nutritional advice and putting out the fire, how---”

“It is not completely unselfish of me. Your apartment is attached to mine, and in both our interests, I thought it best to interfere.”

He glanced at the floor, then her bare feet, and finally up to her face.  Then in just a couple easy strides he was next to her.  His hand went to grip her waist and he lifted her carefully, placing her on the countertop, an action she was too stunned by to really do anything about but gape.  This brought her even with his face.  It also brought back a wave of memories some romantic and some purely pornographic material.  

The way his fingers lingered on her waist indicated to her he was remembering also.  She had a sudden urge to reach up and grab the collar of his shirt, to wrap her legs around him as she let herself be lost to him again.  It would be so very easy.  

Then what?  After that she will have surrendered to him again.  She couldn’t, no matter how sweet he had been these past days, no matter how much he had made her want again, she couldn’t risk it.  The aftermath of their relationship made the risk of going back too great.  She didn’t think she could face something like that again.

She forced her mind to a more pressing issue, “How are you in my apartment?”

The words and tone must have been enough to break through his memories because he stiffened and withdrew.  “I was outside working on my garden when I heard you scream and I was concerned.   When there were loud noises in addition to another scream I needed to make sure you were alright.”  He pulled from her, eyes taking in the space around him before stopping on the closet door next to the kitchen, “Your broom is in that closet, I would assume?”

She nodded, her mind still trying to work out exactly how he was here.  As he stepped carefully out of the kitchen and over to the closet her eyes followed, “Wait, so you climbed onto my balcony?”

He opened the door and spoke without looking at her, “Yes.  I realize that is---”

“But how?  I mean there is that planter thing that connects them but the area that isn’t covered by the plants is barely an inch wide it---”

He started back towards her, broom and dustpan in hand, “You are exaggerating.”

“Not by much.”  

Suddenly her mind was filled with images of him falling.  The idea of him dying in his attempt to help her form some idiotic burger fire turned her stomach.  The idea of him dead at all made her chest ache, something she justified by saying she was a good person and they  _ did  _ have a history.  Besides if anything was going to kill him it would be her not some freak accident.

He paused his sweeping up of the glass to examine her.  Then he gave her a soft smile, “I am fine, Emmy.”

“That wasn’t…”  She sighed and he chuckled as he started his sweeping again.  Only then did she realize this would put her more in debt to him.  First him helping her after… well the thing that would not be talked about, now this.  “You don’t have to---”

“It is no trouble at all, I’m almost finished.”

She sighed, “I already need to think of a way to repay you for the other thing.  Now this also...”

“Pardon?”  He stopped just as he was kneeling to put the glass in the dustpan.  The position once more bringing lewd thoughts to her mind she had to shake off.

“I mean after,”  She cleared her throat, “Last night and then now it…”

“You owe me nothing.”  

Her mouth clamped shut at his words, her emotions veering every which way.  There was way too much going on.  This was supposed to be a peaceful move.  What was wrong with her life that she couldn’t seem to ever just have a normal day?

He swept up the pile of glass into the pan.  Then he stood and went over to her trash can to dump it.  He didn’t speak again until he had taken the broom to the closet and shut the door again.

“Even if I were the type of person to keep track of such things, which I would hope you knew I was not,”  He took a breath, “If anyone owes a debt, it is me that owes you.  What I did,”  He turned meeting her eyes and the regret there made her breath halt in her throat, “it was inexcusable.  I would spend a lifetime making it up to you, if you would allow it.”

Her eyes went down to her knees.  That was cheesy.  That was a huge ball of cheese, something out of a bad romance movie.  So why was her heart fluttering like a crazed bird in her chest?  She worked to ground herself even as she felt her cheeks heat.  She opened her mouth hoping some snarky remark would magically appear.  It didn’t.

Instead she managed to say barely above a whisper, “Why?  You say things like that, do things like this, so why?  Why did you leave?”

He took a deep inhale, “It is complicated.”

She frowned her eyes once more going to him, this time narrowed, “You want to make it up to me but not so much that you will give me a reason for what you did?  Not so much that you will tell me why I had to…”  She bit her lower lip, halting her words before she let him see how he still affected her.

He shifted and started to move to her but stopped himself, “I was afraid, Emmy.  Terrified if I am being honest.  I told you that.”

“Of what, what could have---”

“My feelings for you was one fear.  I had not expected,”  He looked away, shifted again, then swallowed, “In such a short time you changed the whole world for me.  Someday I will tell you the whole story, but for now please know that I never wanted your pain, I never lied to you about my feelings towards you, nor did I ever lay with you under false pretenses.  I know it is a lot to ask, but I suppose I am selfish in this.  Will you give me a chance, Emmy?”

“I…”  She fidgeted.  The affection and longing in his eyes making her chest hollow.  “I don’t know if I can, but I’ll try.”

Almost instantly his shoulders relaxed and a soft smile curved his lips, “That is more than I deserve.”  He glanced at the burnt remains of her dinner, “I am going to assume that you no longer have anything for your dinner?  Come to my apartment, I have enough for both of us.”

She managed to gather enough sense to say, “No thanks, I’ll just order something.”

He turned to go to the door.  She could no longer see his face but she could hear the amusement in his tone, “As you wish, but I made lasagna and a fresh loaf of garlic bread.  There really is plenty for two people.”

Her mouth watered and she spoke in an almost reverent tone, “Your homemade garlic bread?”

“Yes. You know how I feel about frozen foods.”  He opened the door and paused, “It will be ready in twenty minutes, you may come over any time after that.  Oh and keep my shirt as long as you like, it looks better on you than it does on me.”  Then he left shutting the door with a soft click behind him.

Smooth bastard.

Emmy’s eyes went from the closed door back down to her bare knees as she gripped the counter’s edge.  There wasn’t really even anything to think about.  Of course, she wouldn’t go.  Going would be stupid.  It would be reckless and, given her current confused emotions towards him, she might do something she’d regret.  Going was out of the question.  

She hopped off the counter and walked to the charred remains of her once-frozen dinner.  She dumped the pan’s contents in the trash before putting the pan in the sink with some soap and hot water.  

She headed to her bedroom, opened her closet and considered her wardrobe.  Not going would be conceding, she reasoned, pulling out one of her favorite dresses.  She didn’t want him thinking he had that kind of influence on her, after all.  He would assume she was too scared or worse, not in control of herself enough to spend one evening with him.  It was crucial she prove him wrong

She’d just take a quick shower then head over.  No big deal.  She pulled out one of her dresses, dismissed it as too nice, and stuck it back.  Then she pulled out a shirt but dismissed it as not nice enough.  It was important to find the right balance here.  Nothing that showed she was trying to impress but something that still showed him what he had lost.

Not that she cared.  Not even a little tiny bit.  Not that she wanted to see his eyes hungry on her.  Not that she wanted to know that he was thinking of his fingers on her skin as she thought of hers on---

Nope.  None of that.  This was nothing.  She was hungry, he was an excellent cook, and it was free food.  That’s all.

One hour.  She’d get her garlic bread and lasagna then leave.  No big deal at all.


	10. Knew Better

Emmy released a low moan as she let her eyes flutter shut.  She swallowed and spoke in a husky pleasure filled voice, “I forgot how good you were at this.”

Solas watched her in rapt attention, his voice low and intimate, “Ara melava son’ganem.”

“Shush, you’re going to ruin it.”  She kept her eyes shut, drowning in the sensations as they overtook her,  “Just let me enjoy this.”

He watched her coming undone and spoke, “It always fascinated me how much you could take in one sitting, that you take without any sense of misplaced shame like so many other women have with such things.”  She opened her eyes to find him leaning closer to her, “More?”

She shivered and shook her head feebly, “If I do there is no way I’ll be able to walk back to my place again.”

“Than I shall carry you or you may stay here tonight.”  His voice was a melodic caress against her skin, seducing her to indulge more, “Now come.  I know you want to, Emmy.”

She hummed in the back of her throat, “Ok but don’t put the whole thing in.  Only a little bit more.”

Shutting her eyes once again, she opened her mouth and leaned forward.  After a moment she felt her prize touching light against her tongue.  She closed her lips around the offering as she let out a little whimper of pleasure.

“I would very much like to cook you dinner more often if this is what I have to look forward to.”

She savored the last few moments of pure ecstasy in her mouth before she swallowed.  Then she leaned back in the chair with a satisfied sigh.  She was far too content and stuffed to give him any kind of snarky response.  Not to mention, with the lingering flavors of his home cooking still in her mouth, the idea of these meals regularly was a welcome one.

He had always been a good cook.  She remembered the first time he had invited her to his home for dinner.  It had been Italian that time also.  Spaghetti and meatballs which, after about a million ball and mouth jokes, she had admitted that his were the best balls she’d ever put in her mouth.  It had not only been a night to learn what a great cook he is, but the first time she really got to see who he was beneath the mask he wore in public.  Also the first night they made love.

“Are you alright?”

Emmy glanced up at him and smiled while she massaged her full tummy, “Yup, just have a bit of a food baby.  It’ll pass.”

He raised a brow as his mouth quirked, “Food baby?”  

“Yup, I’m pregnant with your garlic bread baby.”  He brought his fist up to his mouth and coughed hiding a chuckle.  She stood giving her belly another pat before reaching for her plate.

He stood so swiftly his chair almost fell backwards.  He fumbled, but managed to catch it with a soft blush coming to the point of his ears that made her heart give an odd little skip.

“Please do not trouble yourself.  I will clean everything later.”

She laughed, “Oh I’m too stuffed to be any help.  I was going to drop it off in the kitchen and grab another glass of wine then go lounge somewhere till I feel like I can breath normal again.”

“Allow me.”  He moved to go to the kitchen speaking as he walked, “I recalled you enjoying red wines but if you would prefer a white, I have that as well.”

“The red is excellent thanks.”  She looked around the space planning out where she wanted to go and let her food settle.  “Where did you buy it?”

“It was a gift from a friend,”  He walked back wine in hand, and refilled her glass before setting the bottle on the table.  Then he lifted the full wine glass holding it out to her, “I will ask if they have anymore if you wish.”

“A friend huh?”  She reached forward to take the glass feeling the familiar jolt of electricity when her fingers brushed his.

He gave her that cocky smirk, “Are you fishing now, Emmy?”

She took a sip of her wine as she looked towards the windows, “I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.”

There was that honeyed chuckle again as he started to gather the dishes from the table.  She really _should_ help.  He had been a perfect host all night.  He’d brought her everything she wanted, almost before she even had the chance to ask, he’d cooked a meal that was to die for, set the table, and made small talk about various recent historical finds.  She’d basically been spoiled since the moment she walked in the door.

However, she was stuffed to the brim completely lost in the contented haze that only great wine and an astoundingly good meal could bring.  As her eyes took in the town lights and the soft silhouette of the mountains in the distance the urge to go outside was too much to resist.  Wine glass in hand, she headed towards the patio doors.

Before she opened them she paused looking to the kitchen where he had started on the dishes, “Do you mind?”

He glanced up, the soft smile still on his lips, “Not at all.  If you want to borrow a jacket you may.”  

Even from here she could see his eyes rove slowly over her form, stopping on her legs.  It made her glad she’d gone with the dress she had.  It was casual but shorter, ending mid-thigh.  It also had a wide neck that exposed the swell of her breasts, her neck, and her collarbone.  Places that she recalled him paying particular interest to with nipping and kisses in the past.  Not that she had hoped for that tonight of course, but it never hurt to show an ex what they were missing.  That’s all it was.

She shifted jutting out her hip and accentuating her legs more, “While your concern for the well-being of my thighs is touching, I’ll be fine.  It isn’t too cold yet.”

He turned his attention back to the dishes, “If you are cold later I would be happy to help warm you.  Your thighs and anywhere else you should require.”

She snorted and turned to open the door so he wouldn’t see the flush she felt creeping onto her skin, “Keep dreaming, it’s good to have unreachable goals, keeps you grounded.”

As she stepped outside he spoke from the kitchen, “You may leave the door open.”

“Ok.”  

The cool mountain air brushed against her skin and she took a deep inhale getting the crisp scents of the night air.  It helped to clear her head a bit.  This whole night had been somewhat surreal.  It almost felt like they were back to normal, or at least on some level of friendship.  Something she really shouldn’t allow but surely one night wouldn’t hurt.

She took another inhale the slight scent of herbs came to her and she wandered around his balcony.  Turning the corner she saw his little garden.  For such a small space he had managed quite well.  Though she couldn’t identify them all, especially not by moonlight.  The ones she could make out were elfroot, tomatoes, cucumbers,  and strawberries.

As she was looking music started to play from inside the apartment.  It was some kind of instrumental, slow and pleasant.  It made her relax even more.  A fact she would later attribute to her downfall that night; really she should have left as soon as dinner was done, but she had lingered.

“If you would like a strawberry help yourself.”

She straightened from her examination of the perfectly grown fruit unsurprised by his voice so close.  She had felt him before he spoke, her body annoyingly tuned to his presence.  “I’m still stuffed but thanks.”

“Perhaps another time.”

_That would be a very bad idea._

Changing the topic she tipped her wine glass towards the tomato plant, “Let me guess, you made the lasagna sauce from scratch.”

“Naturally.  The things they sell as pre-made food in the stores now is subpar at best.”

She laughed and shook her head, “Sometimes you really do sound like an old man.”

He gave her that teasing smirk of his, “I _am_ an old man, so it is fitting.”

“Not so old.”

He made a soft sound of amusement before he looked at her intently, “Would you do this ‘not so old’ man the honor of a dance?”

She felt her heart speed but forced her face to remain neutral, “You’re serious?”

“Yes.  Us older folks need to make sure we exercise regularly.”

She placed her free hand on her hip, “You went for a jog just this morning, and besides, you are more fit than most people I know.”

“Ah but this form of exercise is one of the most pleasant.”

“One of them huh?  I wasn’t aware there was a list of pleasant work outs.”

“I believe you are well aware of the most pleasant, and more than proficient at it, if memory serves.”

She couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled forth even as her cheeks flushed again, “More than proficient, professor?  You do know how to flatter a girl.”

“Shall I go into more detail.  Perhaps tell you how you were better than I had ever thought possible or how every woman before you was a pale comparison to wha---"

She held up her free hand as her heart somehow sped even more.  If he kept this up she’d do something stupid.  Well, stupider than what she was about to do.

“Alright alright.  I’ll dance with you if you stop being some character out of a cheesy romance novel.”

He smirked again as he reached forward to take her wine glass from her, “You believe me to be romantic?”

“I said cheesy.”  She released her wine glass to him and he moved to set it on the ledge of the balcony, “Tell me Solas, do you have a little notebook where you jot all these lines down when you think of them so you can use them later on those you wish to woo?  If you do you could write a book.  I bet you could make good money off all the unsuspecting female romance readers.”

He chuckled as he turned back to her, “I do not but I shall keep that in mind should I ever desire to retire from my teaching career.  It will, however, require your assistance.”

She snorted, “I’m not an editor and if I were you couldn’t pay me enough.”

“No.  You are my muse.  Now,”  He reached out his hand to her with a slight bow, “May I have this dance?”

Now was the time to get out of this.  This was the moment she should thank him for dinner and then run home to cuddle with Darcy on the couch.  Instead, she placed her hand in his, holding back the shiver that threatened when his long fingers closed around her.  He pulled her against him, the hand that wasn’t holding hers going to her waist while she let her free hand go up to his shoulder.  

It was too easy being like this.  It was like going home.  She had the strongest urge to crush herself against him till there was no space left between them at all.  It wouldn’t take much.  As he started to move slowly with her her breasts were already flush to his chest, their pelvises aligned, and she already felt like control of the situation was slipping from her.  This was something she should care more about but she couldn’t.

“Emmy?” He had his head tilted down next to hers and the word brushed against the skin of her throat.  It was said in an intimate whisper his voice husky.

“Yes?”  Her word was less a word and more a breath.  Fenedhis this had been a bad idea.

“I am glad you came.”

This was when she should say something snarky.  This was her chance to put a safe distance between them again.  What came out of her mouth was the truth, “Me too.”

He let out a soft shuddering breath which tickled her earlobe.  Then his hand began to caress along her back everywhere his fingers could reach.  He somehow managed to pull her even closer and she could feel him against her hip.  She could feel him hardening as they moved and knew she needed to leave, but she didn’t.  

She buried her head in the curve between his shoulder and neck breathing him in as she let the sensations take her over.  The moment now becoming an intimate secret between them as the world dissolved away around her.  She needed him.  She’d always needed him.  What an idiot she’d been to think otherwise.

What was wrong with her?  This man had broken her.  She needed to pull away, needed to regain control, but he was like the sun and her a helpless planet drawn into his orbit.  There was no way she could pull away, not even when he put just enough space between them to look down at her, pupil’s dilated with his desire.  Not even when he brought his mouth to hers and brushed a feather light caress against them.

In fact, far from pushing him away, she let out a low moan.  He pulled back and looked at her, his eyes searching her face as his fingers clenched against her back.  Something in her expression must have reassured him because he released the hand he had been holding and now had both hands against her waist.  

At some point they must have turned because he lifted her easily and set her one the thick ledge of his balcony before he placed himself between her legs.  The action brought her dress up even higher on her thighs.  His eyes glanced down and he let out a strangled sound.

Suddenly she felt breathless and incredibly dizzy.  She brought her arms around his shoulders and pressed her legs against him for balance.  One of his hands went down to trace along her calf stopping at the curve of her knee and holding her there.  His other hand moved up to the back of her head, fingers weaving through her hair as his thumb caressed behind her earlobe.

He brought his face closer to hers and when he spoke the word brushed against her lips, “Arasha.”

Then his lips pressed softly against hers.  A question at first, one that she answered by gripping him tighter and opening her mouth to him.  Then it became a different kind of dance.  A dance of breath and lips and tongues.  They teased, took, and gave.  She shuddered, sighed and pulled back, then he caught her gently with a nibble on her lower lip before pulling her into something deeper.  There was a heaviness between her legs and every nerve in her body was crackling to life with each caress of his tongue.

His mouth left hers just enough to whisper, “Emmy, I need you.  My body aches for you.  Isalan hima sa i’na.”

She wanted to.  She wanted so badly.  It would be easy to give in.  Easy to let him take her, let him bury himself inside her as she lost herself to him.  

But then what?  After their bodies were satiated what would she be left with?  What would she feel?

Weak.  Conquered.

She moved her hands from around his neck to his chest and gave the slightest push as she spoke, “I can’t.”  Pain crossed his face.  It made him look so vulnerable that she felt her heart skip but she held her ground, “I’m sorry I just can’t.”

He swallowed then reached to her waist again to help her off the ledge.  Once her feet were on the ground, he took a large step away from her to put space between them.  “I had not intended it to go this far tonight.”

The next question came out before she could stop herself, “You wish it hadn’t?”

He gave her a somewhat uncertain smile, “Perhaps I should say so, but it would be a lie.  I _am_ sorry if I pushed you too far.”

She shook her head, “You have faults but that has never been one of them, Solas.  I’m a big girl.  I made my choices tonight.”

“And now you make another.”

“Yes.”  She looked down and straightened her now rumbled dress as she tried to gather her thoughts again.  “I do appreciate all you did tonight.  Dinner was delicious.”

“It was my pleasure.”  He shifted, “I will walk you out.”

“No need.  I’ll just see myself out.”  She walked past him trying to ignore his eyes even as she felt his gaze in her core, “Have a good rest of your night, Solas.”

With that she somehow managed to get herself out of his apartment, down the hall, and into her own.  The moment the door was shut she pressed her back to it and took in deep breaths of air.  So close.  She’d been so close to giving into him tonight.  It wasn’t even like she could blame him either.  It had been her own stupidity that had led her down that path.  She’d known better even before she’d walked out her door hours before.

She shook herself in an attempt to break out of her warring emotions.  Then she stood and went about her night.  Later, when she was in bed, she let her hand come up to rest against her headboard.  Was he in his bed too just a few feet away?  Did he go to sleep with thoughts of her haunting him like she did of him?

In the end, she fell asleep with her hand still resting there and her dreams overflowing with memories of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Ara melava son’ganem** \- essentially an intimate way of saying, my pleasure or the pleasure is mine.  
>  **Isalan hima sa i’na** \- I lust to be one with you. I.e. he wants to bang her, really wants to bang her.
> 
> Hey everyone! Sorry they didn't bang as I know some of you were voting they would :P
> 
> Also, I am going to probably be updating every other week for a while. Once again medical stuff has come up with some members of my family and I'm picking up a lot of shifts to make ends meet at the moment. I'd rather give you guys quality than push out stuff just to push stuff out. If I can update every week I will but you can at least know you'll be getting a new one every other week.


	11. *The Plan

“Lavellan? Anyone home?”

Dorian’s voice pulled her back to the present.  Emmy yawned, sitting up in her chair and rubbing her temple. “Sorry, what?”

“Are you alright?  You’ve been doing that… thing you do a lot more lately.”

Her brow arched, “That thing?”

He moved to sit on the edge of her desk, grabbing a piece of paper between two fingers and looking at it.  Then he frowned, putting the paper back on the desk, as he said, “Yes, where you leave the room and go…who knows where.”

“I just---”

“Still thinking about that kiss?”

Emmy grimaced.  She  _ had  _ been thinking about the kiss as well as other things.  The other things included the fact that she’d received a message from Fen’harel only a few days after the kiss with Solas.  He stated that he believed they should cease communication.  That he felt she no longer needed him.

It hurt.  Somehow it made her feel infinitely lonely.  She had Dorian, and the others, but it wasn’t the same thing.  Fen’harel had been her confidante in a way no one else was.  It was stupid she had become so attached to someone she’d never even met, but there it was.   When she prodded the subject to find out why, he essentially gave her the “it’s complicated” spiel.  With a little bit of “it’s not you it’s me” thrown in for good measure.

The only other person who she’d ever felt so close to had been Solas.  Which brought her right back around to thinking of the kiss.  An obnoxious cycle really.  It made her feel lonely and confused.  It made her want more.

It had been weeks and the kiss was still fresh on her mind.  It had even inspired nightly wet dreams about him that never even approached satisfying.  She was pretty sure she was losing her damn mind.

It didn’t help that they had somehow become… _ friendly _ .  An ease had developed between her and Solas that was unexpected but not unwelcome.  He hadn’t tried to kiss her again, but he was in the archives pretty much every day. Sometimes more than once a day. 

Every time they were in a room together they ended up flirting.  Even their fights had an undercurrent of sexual tension. The man was like a magnet to her and she still found herself surprised by how smooth he could be. 

The incessant flirting had  _ almost _ led to kissing on more than one occasion.  It had most certainly led to her daydreaming about what he could do to her.  Like when they were looking over a particularly interesting find and somehow found themselves so close their shoulders touched.  Close enough, that their faces were mere inches apart.  Close enough that all it would take would be one swift movement on his part and she would be under him on her desk.

If she was honest with herself she would have to admit that if Solas were to try anything, she would be hard-pressed to stop him.  Even now, weeks later, the juncture between her thighs tingled at the thought of him kissing her. How his broad shoulders had felt beneath her fingers. The way his eyes had captivated her, as he seemed to devour her with his gaze.  The feel of his arousal against her.

Gods help her, she felt like a fucking teenager again.

Dorian was smirking at her, his mustache curving up on one side with his grin, “Based on the glazed look in your eyes, I’d say that’s a yes.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “I may have spared your life, but don’t think I forgot your part in this whole mess.”

He brought a hand to his chest, “Me?  I had two drunk friends, or whatever Sera would be considered, and I merely had to make a choice.  I went to take care of the second of the two, while I left you in perfectly capable hands.  Hands, that you seemed quite fond of, if your drooling over them when you two are together is any indicator.”

“I do  _ not _ drool over them.”  She sighed. “What did you want Dorian?”

“I wanted to know if you got those new documents from Tevinter yet.  Also, I want my dearest friend’s happiness.”

“Your ‘dearest friend,’ would be happiest if you laid off it.”

“What’s keeping you?”

“From what?  Kicking you out of my office?”

“No.  Naturally, my impeccable looks and overwhelming charm keep you from kicking me out.”  She snorted. He ignored it and continued. “What is keeping you from being with someone you so clearly want to be with?”

“We have a past.”

“I’m aware.  You told me all about it when you were drunk, I understood about half of what you garbled out.”  Dorian rubbed his chin. “But there is more to it than that.”

“I…”  She took a deep breath. “I can’t lose control again.  I can’t let him have that kind of power over me.  If I did and he left again…”

“So, you take control.”

Emmy looked at him, brows furrowing, “What?”

“Don’t let him take control.  You define what the relationship is and isn’t.  You be the one holding the reins.  Right now you’re driving yourself insane, you need to do something.  If anything, give yourself some kind of closure.”

Her eyes widened. “That’s it.”  She stood and started pacing the room. “I’ll have sex with him, get it out of my system, and then leave as soon as it’s done.  Just sex.  That’s all it’ll be, and this time,  _ I’ll _ be the one that leaves.”

Dorian stood, bringing his hands up. “That isn’t what I---”

“It’s a perfect plan.  I’ll get him out of my system and he’ll get the sex he’s been wanting. It’s a win-win.”

“I was under the impression you two had become friends of sorts again.”

“Yes.”

Dorian raised a brow. “I would like to go on the record as saying, I think this is a terrible idea and it sounds like a revenge plot.  I don’t think---”

“It is  _ not _ a revenge plot.  I got over caring that he left me a long time ago.  Just…”  She stopped pacing, turning to look at Dorian with hands on hips. “I don’t want an actual relationship again, but some arbitrary part of me still wants him.  He wants me.  I don’t see the issue here.  We fuck, we both get satisfaction, and we’re done.”

“You seduce him.  Make him think you’ve forgiven him, and then leave the next morning.”  Dorian smoothed his mustache. “You’re right, that doesn’t sound like revenge at all.”

“I won’t make him think I’ve---” She shook her head. “I told you I’m not even mad anymore.  It isn’t like I’m going to make him think we are starting a relationship or something.  We’d just be two consenting adults having sex .”

Nothing but sex.  Nothing but their bodies moving together, sweat slicked and hungry and those long, skilled fingers of his all over her, inside her.  She bit her lip.

Dorian raised a brow. “If you could stop imagining whatever you’re imagining, while I’m in the room; that would be fabulous .”

“Look Dorian, it’s like this: If I let him be the one to seduce me, he wins. After all this time turning him down, he’ll think he wore me down, that I was back to being that girl I was when we were first together—doe-eyed and foolish and willing to fall at his feet. I’ve been through a lot of shit.  I’m miles from who I was back then.  I don’t intend to go back.”  She smiled, “But, if I seduce him, it’s completely different.  You see?”

“Not particularly.”

“Pay attention Dorian.  If Solas is the seducer, I lose.  If I’m the seducer, I win.”

“You want him to know he lost?”

“No, he won’t lose.  We’ll both win.  I mean, he wants it too.  It’s just, if  _ I _ seduce  _ him _ , I don’t lose the advantage I’ve gained.  I just need to make it clear that it wasn’t because he persuaded me in some way.  You understand?”

Dorian sighed, “I’m beginning to think you’ve spent too much time with Sera.  Your logic is, questionable, and that is putting it lightly.  Would it not be easier to simply not have sex with him or keep your distance?”

“We work together.  He is in here all the time and as much as I hate to admit it, I don’t know that I’ll be able to say no if he tries to get me into bed again.  There’s too much… just too much.  This way I’m the one calling the shots.  I stay in control the whole time so he doesn’t have the chance to patronize me at any point.”

“It still sounds like revenge to me.”

“It’s a gift.  He’s going to have sex.  It isn’t like I’m beating him up or something.  I mean, he apologized, sure.  But then he tried to get me into his bed repeatedly, has been wooing me almost non-stop and kissed me on his balcony. It’s like he’s not even trying to pretend he’s really sorry.”

“It wasn’t the sex part I was referring to, Emmy.”  He shifted, his face serious. “It sounds like you just want him to have a taste of what he gave you.”

She winced, the accusation hitting her hard. “It isn’t like that.”

“No?”

“Like I said, I won’t make him think it’s a relationship.  It’ll just be sex.  Not like I’m going to disappear without a word just… I won’t stay at his place tonight or anything and it won’t happen again.  It’ll just be a one night stand between ex-lovers.  Nothing more.”

“Wait, tonight?”  Dorian’s eyes widened. “You don’t think you should give this more thought?”

“No time like the present.” 

The sooner she did this, the sooner he would be out of her system and she could go on with her life.  He’d been a shadow there long enough.  Closure, Dorian had said. Well, she was going to get it.  Just maybe not the way he had in mind.

When she got home that night the first thing she did was go through her closet.  She didn’t own a lot of clothing made expressly for seduction.  Mostly, she wore jeans and long skirts with t-shirts. She found one dress that was a possibility, however. Leliana had given it to her a while ago and Emmy had refused point-blank to wear it.  It had somehow made its way to the apartment, which she was currently infinitely grateful for.

The dress was a deep crimson.  It hugged her upper body, the lower half flowing freely, with a slit up one side that almost went all the way to her hip.  The neckline was a deep V, that went well below the bottom of her breasts.  It might have been a bit dressy for a one-night stand, but who cared?  Not like she’d ever use it for anything else.

She showered using soaps scented to entice him and left her hair down because she knew how much he enjoyed tangling his fingers in it. She opted for a black lace thong and no bra. Finally, she wiggled herself into the tight dress and turned to examine herself in the mirror. 

She looked, and more importantly felt,  _ sexy _ .  The dress was perfect. Her body hummed with desire, like electricity running through her veins. She wanted Solas and she was going to have him. She wasn’t entirely sure how the seduction process was going to go, but she was ready to wing it if necessary.

When Dorian had first mentioned closure, this plan had felt like the answer to her problems, an easy solution to the problems plaguing her. Now, with this dress hugging her hips and the fire in her belly, it was more than that. It was  _ need. _

Despite all that, once she found herself in front of his door her stomach became a jumble of nerves.  Her mind raced, her inhibitions threatening to halt her progress. She needed to stop thinking. Solas was just a man—a painfully attractive, desirable man—that she was going to fuck and get out of her system, as thoroughly as a cold virus. 

She took in a deep breath, exhaled from her lips and then lifted her hand to knock on his front door.  For the brief moment that followed she considered bolting, running back to her apartment.  She shook herself mentally. She’d come too far for that.  She needed to see this through. The lust in her blood and the determination in her mind kept her where she was.

The door swung open. “Emmy, what –” 

He stopped mid-sentence.  His eyes widened a touch. His initial reaction to her sudden presence at his door turned to confusion and finally lust.  His pupils visibly dilated as he took in her body and appearance.  His gaze wandered over like a caress she could feel on her skin.

“Are you going to invite me in?”

His tongue slipped out to lick his lips. “I---” He cleared his throat, and she could see him trying to force his expression back to neutral again. “I am afraid I have nothing prepared here to suit such an elegant dress.  Perhaps I could take you out somewhere?  If you would allow me a moment to---”

She lifted one hand, resting it lightly on his chest.

“I had other things in mind, Solas.” 

She moved forward, her hand still on his chest, as she brought herself closer to him until there was less than a hairs’ breadth between them, “Do you remember, all those nights ago, when you offered to warm me?  I wonder, is that offer still available?”

Without waiting for a reply, she removed her hand from his chest and brushed past him into the apartment.  She moved until she stood in front of his couch and then turned to look out at him from under her lashes.  He was dressed in a button up shirt and loose pants that allowed her to see a hint of arousal already forming.

Her lips turned up in a slow grin. “Shut the door and come over here.”

He shook his head. “I would assume I was dreaming but I know that can’t be.” 

She couldn’t help teasing. “Oh? How do you know?”

He shut the door and covered the distance between them in a few long strides, “If it were I would not be so damned confused.  If it were a dream, I would already be buried in you.  I…”  He paused. “Emmy, are you sure?”

It turned out this seduction thing wasn’t so hard after all.  She gestured to the couch. “Sit down and you’ll find out.”

He moved to sit on the couch but his eyes remained intent on her.  Piercing through her skin, drowning her in their depths, and the need that filled them.  It would be so easy to get lost in his eyes, like she had a thousand times before.  His eyes were beautiful, deep, and ---

No.  She needed to remain in control. 

He sat down and looked up at her. “Your wish is my command, ma’haurasha.”

His voice was a low and husky with desire.  It sent a shiver up her spine and made her muscles clench with need.  Suddenly, her brilliant plan vanished.  The need that surged through her body was feral and impulsive.  All she wanted was him.  Nothing else mattered.

She went to him. She bent low over him, bringing her face mere inches from his.  Her lips brushed his just enough to tease him as her hands went to his shirt. Not wanting to bother with all the buttons she yanked, pulling the shirt open and heard the rip of at least one button go with it.  Then her hands were against the bare skin of his chest, brushing across his nipples, making his breath catch.

She smiled up at him before she knelt between his legs, her fingers working the buttons of his pants.  With one easy motion, she undid his button before easing the zipper down over his bulge.  As he was revealed to her, she let out a small sigh of pleasure. 

She’d almost forgotten how perfect he was, his impressive length thick and already hard as steel for her.  Her fingers reached out to trace a path from his tip to his base, her fingernails lightly scraping along the skin.  He let out a hiss of pleasure and she looked up to find his eyes still intent on her, his hands gripping the cushions so hard they were white knuckled.

Pleased by this, she brought her mouth forward and set it to work doing what her fingers had done moments before.  One of her hands was still resting on his abs and she felt his shudder even as she heard him moan.  This was no longer about who was in control and who wasn’t.  It was something else. Something much better.

Her lips moved to place a soft kiss on his tip before they parted for him. She moved her mouth over him, fingers of one hand coming up to fondle his balls as she did so. He moaned and writhed beneath her. She could feel the muscles in his abs twitch under her fingertips. 

“Emmy… Emmy I…”  The sound turned into a moan and she could feel him fighting it.  She looked up to find his head fallen back, lips parted. 

He was close.  She moved her mouth off him with a soft pop, her hand continuing to stroke him as she said, “ Nuvenan avan ma’edhis sule bre’garas in br’av.”  _ I want to suck your cock till you come deep in my throat. _

He shuddered again and she took him in her mouth once more.  This time she moved down his length until she felt him hit the back of her throat.  He let out a low growl as his hand came down to grip her hair.

“Emmy, you…” 

She bobbed her head over his length, taking him deep in her throat each time.  He growled again and began to tremble.  His balls tightened in her hand and she knew he was close to coming.  His hips bucked against her as she swallowed him completely. Then she felt him pulse as his heat filled her mouth and throat.

He shivered as he rode the waves of his pleasure.  She swallowed it all, before licking him clean, then moving up his body.  He was still coming down from his orgasm as she placed a knee on each side of him and put her mouth to his ear, “ Jupalan ma sule banalan in’em, ma tel’rosa’da’din’el.”   _ I want you to fuck me until you empty yourself inside me and can’t come any longer. _

In one swift motion his hands were off the couch and at the shoulders of her dress.  He followed the line of the fabric, slipping his fingers in where her breasts were and gripping them so they spilled out for him.  Her already hard nipples tightened even more at his touch and the feel of cool air on them.  Then his mouth found her, his tongue teasing and circling one of her nipples while one of his hands found her clit, rubbing her through the lace of her thong. 

She moaned and writhed against him. Her movements brought her opening closer to his erection, rubbing against it, creating a delicious friction. Her fingers dug into his shoulders and she rocked her hips more.  “Solas. Now. Fuck me now.”

Not needing any more prompting, he gripped her thong and moved it to the side. In one easy motion, he lifted her and lowered her swiftly onto him.  As he filled her, she arched and cried out. She started moving, bucking her hips to urge him on, faster and deeper, desperately hunting down her release.

One of his hands remained on her clit, while the other tangled in her hair, and pulled her down to him.  His lips met hers and they were both hungry with need.  There was no slow softness, no hesitation.  It was devouring, their tongues pressed together, tasting, as they moaned into each other’s mouths. 

Then she slowed her hips, reducing her movements to tight little circles that had him hitting all the right places.  Both his hands went down the curves of her body to grip her ass, massaging her as he felt her moving on him.  His mouth left hers, to lick and nibble along her jaw and neck, as he whispered her name over and over against her skin.

A moment later, his mouth found her breasts again and she hissed at the pleasure his ministrations produced.  Her hips picked up pace, each one of his strokes filling her, bringing her closer to her breaking point. 

The pleasure began to build until there was nothing but the two of them, nothing but their bodies pressed together as they chased the height of their ecstasy.  Then it became a pounding in her blood, waves of pleasure rippling through her. She cried out his name, throwing her head back.

“Solas.  Solas, yes. Please, right there.  Pala em elvar’el!”  _ Fuck me harder. _

He lifted her then, his body never leaving hers, moving them so she was splayed out underneath him.  She wrapped around him, her back arching so that her breasts pressed to his chest.  He moved inside her, each thrust bringing him deeper than the last.  She could feel her nipples brushing his chest as her breasts swayed with the force of his movements.

In this position, she could see his face, look into his eyes, and the sensation was overwhelming.  She loved him.  She was in love with him, so much that it ached.  So much that she could feel it like a physical presence between them that only added to her pleasure. 

She gave herself over to him completely, her arms reaching up to hug him tighter to her.  She came around him, her body shuddering as she cried out his name.  All her muscles tightened, including her legs, wrapped around him and bringing him in deeper as they did. 

His breath was coming in heavy pants at her ear and soon she felt his trembling increase.  His hand gripped the couch cushions as he growled and shuddered.  He plunged into her with a few more deep, rolling movements, before sinking himself in to the hilt and spilling inside of her.  

Once he had released her again, he let out a low groan and his head came to rest in the curve of her shoulder.  He whispered against her ear, breathless, “Em.  My Emmy.  You are so very beautiful.”

Suddenly, she came down enough to realize what a huge mistake she had made.  What an idiot she’d been to believe she could ever have meaningless sex with him.  She loved him madly, deeply, almost irrationally. Even if she had stuck to the original plan, she knew now it would have hurt.  When he left again, as he inevitably would, it would hurt even worse than the first time. 

Idiot. She was such an idiot.

This was the moment she should have disentangled herself and left. This was her chance.

The problem was, she was still stuck under him and he was still buried inside her.  He was warm and felt so right against her.  All she wanted to do was wrap her arms around him and stay like this. Snug between his soft couch and the warmth of his body.

He shifted but still held her to him.  He moved only enough that his weight wasn’t on her and she was now cradled between him and the back of the couch. 

He trailed a line of kisses along her collarbone before licking the hollow at the base of her throat.  “I do not know what I did to deserve this, but whatever I did, I would do it a million times over if it meant more time with you.”

She flushed and pulled him closer, so that he couldn’t see the tear that fell down her cheek.  At the very least she wouldn’t let him see the extent of her emotions. That, at least, she could still control.

Stupid.  She was so stupid.

“Tomorrow morning I’ll make you breakfast, whatever you want, and we will talk.  I want to know you again, truly know you.”

Her heart beat a fast rhythm in her chest.  He didn’t just want sex any more than she truly had.  He wanted to know her, to be like they were.  She still didn’t know if she could but she continued to hold him as she whispered, “Alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Released a day early because I'm scheduled to work all day tomorrow. Hope you all enjoyed Lavellan's questionable life choices ;)


	12. Confusion

Emmy shifted, soft sheets slipping down her skin as she cuddled deeper into the hard warmth next to her.  A familiar, comforting scent filled her nostrils and she inhaled deeply.  Her lips parted to release a contented sigh, fingers shifting to brush against warm skin, over lean muscle and broad shoulders.

Her eyes fluttered open and she had to work not to jerk back as awareness suddenly hit her.  In response, Solas’ fingers pressed more firmly into the skin of her back and where they were tangled in her hair.  She froze, keeping her hand flat on his chest so she could measure the easy rise and fall of his breath.

Several seconds passed while she worked to clear her panicked mind.  She was in his bed now, he must have carried her there at some point, but she was still wearing her dress.  If she was quiet, she could sneak out and make it to her apartment without waking him. 

She ‘d already decided not to hold him to what he’d said mid-coitus.  People said all sorts of things they didn’t mean during sex.  Lust filled musings that you came to regret the next morning, like her impossible thought that she was still in love with him. It was absurd. She couldn’t be.  It was just her body messing with her brain.  If she let it continue it would only lead her down a path she wasn’t ready travel.

Emmy eased herself carefully out of his arms, taking care to jostle him as little as possible.  In the dim light of the moon, she could see his frown as he released a sigh of complaint in the back of his throat, but he didn’t wake.

With careful steps, she snuck to the door.  Her heart was pounding so loud in her ears she was surprised it didn’t wake him.  When she reached the door of his bedroom, she couldn’t help glancing back at him.  He was all long limbs, his arms now hugging the pillow she had been using, the tip of one ear visible from where he’d buried his face in the fabric. 

It didn’t matter that his face was hidden from her, body bundled under sheets so all she could see was his silhouette.  In her mind, he was clear as day and a new, more painful thought struck her, one she couldn’t explain away with the heat of sex—she hadn’t fallen in love with him again tonight; she’d never fallen out of love with him to begin with. 

Her fingers dug into the wood of his door frame.  For a beat she thought of how easy it would be to go back to him.  To slide back under those covers and bury herself against his body.  It would be easy, just for tonight, but then what?  She needed to think because the truth was, she still didn’t trust him. Not after what he’d done. 

As she turned to sneak out, something caught in her throat, guilt heavy in her stomach.  Sneaking out while he was asleep felt worse somehow than if she’d just left immediately after.  Despite the rock in her stomach she was desperate to get out.  She needed to breath, and to try and think clearly.  She could do neither in this place where everything was  _ him _ .

She snuck her way out of his apartment, then practically ran the few feet to hers.  She shut the door quickly, bolted it, and then pressed her back to the door before sliding to the floor.

Something furry knocked against her hip.  She reached her hand out absently to pet along Darcy’s soft fur.  He let out a low meow before head-butting her again.

“I messed up,” she told the cat.

Another meow, another head butt.

“Easy for you to say.  You’re lucky, you don’t have to deal with all this.”

This time he nipped her finger

“Ouch! You little punk ass.”  She scooped him up and hugged him tight to her as he let out a plaintive cry at the forced cuddling, “Tough luck bud.  This is punishment for your attitude.  You’re just gonna have to cuddle with me now.”

An hour later she was naked in her bed, staring up at the ceiling and feeling cold despite Darcy’s heat at her hip.  She sighed deeply and wiggled out from under the covers, toes touching the cool floor as she sat there with her fingers digging into the edge of her mattress.  For a few moments she just stayed like that, eyes shut.

When she opened them again, the first thing they fell on was her discarded dress.  A little pool of crimson in the moonlight.  She stood and reached down to scoop up the material and bundle it into a tight ball.  Then she strode into the kitchen, opened her trash bin, and dumped it inside.

After staring at the trash bin longer than was reasonable for any sane person, she went to the couch and grabbed her laptop. She did something she hadn’t done in years: she opened her e-mail and wrote to Fen’harel about Solas.

She told him everything, everything but the details of their lovemaking.  She opened up entirely, feeling exposed to this man she’d never even met.  It was the only part of her she hadn’t shared.  Now she shared all of it, from the very start on that first fateful day in his class, to the very end where he’d disappeared without a word after they’d made love.

She wrote what she remembered. She wrote everything, because she remembered everything, every detail and word. She hoped that putting it all down would be like sucking venom from a wound, finally expelling it from her heart and mind.  If she could just pull it all out, finally stop holding everything in, then maybe the pain, the feelings of betrayal, and the aching loneliness would stop. All she wanted was to live her life in relative peace.

When she reached the part about what had happened tonight, what she’d done, she paused. She simply stared at the screen for several minutes.  Then she took a deep breath and finished the story, all of it.  What did it matter now?  Fen’harel had said he no longer wanted to speak with her.  He probably wouldn’t even read this.  She just needed to get it out.

She ended it with,  _ “It was just sex.  Dorian said revenge and I guess… now that I’ve written it all out, his thinking makes such sense.  I admit maybe I wanted to hurt Solas, just a little, after all that had happened to me after he vanished.  I didn’t mean for it to go that far.  I didn’t mean for it to make me feel again, to make me realize how madly I still loved him.  I’ve messed up and I don’t know where to go now.” _

She paused, took another deep breath, and deleted all of what she’d just written.  Instead, she ended with an apology for dumping all this on him when he had said he wanted to stop communication.  That she wouldn’t bother him again, but that she was grateful for all the correspondence they had shared, that maybe in another world they would have been able to know each other truly.  That maybe they could have been more than just… whatever this was.

Before she could think better of it, she hit SEND and shut the laptop.  She put the laptop back on her coffee table then went back to bed and attempted to sleep.  Sleep, however, proved to be annoyingly elusive.  Her thoughts and emotions raged in a million different directions, keeping her up with the chaos in her mind.  When the first rays of morning snuck onto her bedspread, she got up and dressed in a haze.  An hour later she’d somehow made it to work and into her office.

Once there, she had a few hours of peace.  The onslaught of e-mails and cataloging that needed doing kept her mind blissfully busy as she downed mugs of coffee.  She’d known she’d need it, so she’d just brought the whole coffee pot in.  Merrill was a tea drinker so Emmy didn’t feel like she was depriving anyone of their fix.

As she was going over another e-mail about an upcoming auction asking for her attendance, she reached for her mug only to find it empty.  With her eyes still on the computer screen, she felt around the surface of her desk for the space she’d left the coffee pot.  Her hand fumbled about for a moment before her brows knit in irritation at the suddenly empty space.

“Did you really drink this entire pot yourself?”

Her eyes rose to find Dorian with his hip leaning against her desk.  In one hand he held her kidnapped coffee, swirling it as he looked at her with eyebrows raised.

“You know that is bad for you right?  You keep up this pace you’re going to give yourself heart palpitations.”

She frowned, “I haven’t drunk the  _ entire  _ pot.  There is at least half a cup still left in there, so give it back so I can finish it up.  Then you can lecture me properly.”

He shifted and turned so he could place it on the opposite side of her desk, well beyond her reach.  Then he turned back to her and said with a forced nonchalance, “Didn’t get much sleep last night?”

She frowned. “Nope.”  Then she stood to reach out and grab the pot, but Dorian got to it first, once more lifting it away from her.  Her frown deepened. “What now, Dorian?”

“Don’t, ‘what now’ me.  You know precisely why I’m here.”

She made her face neutral, “Because you want to die?”

His eyes widened in mock terror and he pulled further away from her, “That’s a bit extreme for coffee.”

She rolled her eyes before forcing a bright smile.  “Hi, my name is Emmy.  I don’t believe we’ve met.”

Then she let her smile drop.  She held out her hand, fingers wiggling in a “hand it over” gesture.

Dorian sighed a deep weary sigh but relinquished his hostage. “I’m only trying to prevent your early demise.” Then he mumbled, “though I can’t remember why at this moment.”

“Because I’m so sweet I make your teeth ache.”

“Is that why?  I don’t believe I was thinking that at all.  Although, speaking of,” He tapped his fingers on her desk, “You either did something wonderful to our bald professor or something terribly wicked.  Perhaps both, now that I think of it.”

She startled, looking up at him from her pouring, “What are--”

“Coffee.”

She looked down to find that she’d shifted in her surprise and was now pouring coffee, unceremoniously, onto her desk.  Quickly she stopped and slammed the pot down to the side.

“Motherfucker.”

“Or Professor Fucker, perhaps?”

She spoke as she shuffled through her drawers to find paper towels, “Dorian, you--” 

“I did nothing.  I believe it is  _ you _ that did something.” 

She found the paper towels and went to work trying to dab the coffee up before it soaked more of her papers.

Dorian watched as he added, “Unless you want to ease my worry and tell me you didn’t, in fact, go through with your plans.”

She kept her focus intent on the clean-up, “I went.”

He released a deep, bone-weary sigh, then growled out, “ Festis bei umo canavarum .” 

In response she mumbled, “Lasa adahl su nar masa.”

“Now that is unfair, what did you just say?”

“Nothing.”

There was blissful silence for a while as Dorian pouted.  Emmy continued cleaning up the coffee spill, until she’d gone over the same spot twenty times.  Dorian reached out and put his hand over her wrist.

“Emmy, what happened?”

Her eyes stayed on her hands.  She remembered starkly how Solas had felt beneath her fingers, what his fingers had felt like on her skin.  The look of his hands, long, masculine.  How they’d clung to her, even the morning after.  Imprints still left on her skin.

She swallowed, straightened her shoulders and pulled her wrist from Dorian’s hands.  She crumbled the paper towels in her fist, turning to toss them in her waste bin. “I told you.  I went.  We had sex.  I left.  End of story.”

“That is… not what I expected.”

She sighed, “You knew the plan.  I went with the plan.”

“I didn’t think you would.  You’re--” He took a breath. “I saw him this morning.  Went to his office to ask him something.  He was withdrawn.  No snark.  I even took a book from his shelf, asked if I could borrow it.  Do you know what he said?”

She moved to sit back down in her chair, shuffling papers she wasn’t actually looking at, “I’ve no idea.”

“He said, ‘As you wish.’”

“So?”

“There was no ‘ _ Why do you want it, Dorian _ ?’  No, ‘ _ Bring it back by this time, Dorian _ .’  No, ‘ _ Don’t do this or that with it, Dorian _ .’” 

She took a deep breath, “What’s your point?”

“He is upset.  I didn’t know he could be.  To be honest, I’d not thought anything could faze the man, but right now... this is more emotion then I have seen from him the entire time I’ve known him.  Whatever happened, he has really---”

She stood up with such force her chair banged against the cabinet behind her.  Her hands pushed into the wood of her desk as she growled out, “He’s upset!?  We had sex and I left him to go back to my apartment  _ right next door _ .  He knows I’m alive.  He knows I’m okay and that I’m near.  When he left me after we’d been together, without a word, it was for two fucking years.  It would have been longer if coincidence hadn’t landed me here.  I didn’t know if he was dead or alive.  I didn’t know what I did or if any of it meant shit to him.  He kept away even after…”  Her voice trailed off and she took several deep breaths.

Dorian spoke, “It’s alright to still be angry with him, you know, but you should try talking to him about it.  It’s clear the man---”

“Please don’t.”  She looked up to Dorian, feeling the corners of her eyes prick, “I can’t right now.  I’m sorry I snapped at you.  You were right before, I shouldn’t have slept with him, but I did.  Now I just need time to think.”

“I’m always here for you, Emmy.  I only,” He paused. “You deserve to be happy.  That’s why I pester you. You know that, yes?”

She took yet another deep breath, “I know Dorian and I  _ do _ appreciate that you care.”

Dorian gave her a nod and then headed out the door, shutting it quietly behind him.  The moment it closed she slumped back into her chair, letting her head fall to rest on the cool wood of the desk. 

For a few moments she remained that way.  She allowed herself to try to think about what had happened.  It was obvious she was still mad.  Though she’d moved on, the hurt had never truly healed.  It had simply scabbed over, and the moment he had shown up, it was ripped open again.

Despite the anger, she was still in love with him and part of her wanted to believe what Dorian seemed to.  That same part of her wanted to believe what he had said the previous night.  She wanted to believe that he wouldn’t leave her, that he wanted to know her again, that maybe he even loved her a bit.  That part of her was an idiot.  After what he did she should never want to see him again.

And yet…

Her fingers clenched and unclenched repetitively, a habit she had picked up from Solas when uncertainty struck her.  Realizing this, she forced her fingers closed into fists.

Right now, her mind and emotions were warring. 

Half of her was shouting that obviously he had feelings.  He was hurt by her leaving, or Dorian was sure he was.  He had been so passionate the night before.  His words about wanting to do whatever he had done a million times over to have her again, rang in her head like a chorus.  The way he had held her, kissed her, worshipped her, and then clung to her the next day.  How he had been trying to apologize, to prove himself again even before she’d slept with him.

The other half of her kept reminding her that she had thought they had something before too.  All those years ago, she’d loved him madly.  He was the first man, the only man, she had considered spend a lifetime with.  She thought he’d loved her, or something very close to it, and then… poof, gone.  What if this was just that all over again and she hadn’t made any progress from the naive idiot she’d been then?

Emmy groaned and hit her head on the desk a couple times.  This was going nowhere right now.  She needed to actually do some of what she was being paid to do instead of just warring with herself.  She gave one last knock of her head and then straightened, cracked her knuckles, and forced her mind back to work.

After the first hour passed, during which she found herself just as incapable of focusing, she managed to zone in on her work.  As her work day was coming to a close there was a knock at her door.  Merrill was scheduled to come talk over a new exhibit for the main library. 

Since the visit was expected, Emmy didn’t bother looking up from her work as she spoke, “Come on in.  I’ll be done in just a moment.”

Her focus stayed on the paper in front of her as she tried to quickly finish up the last of it.  She heard the door open, then shut, and then the soft click of the lock.  At the last sound her brows furrowed and she looked up.

“Why did---”

The words caught in her throat the moment her eyes landed on the tall form suddenly in her office.  It only took him a few long strides to put himself in front of her desk.  Then he reached into his pocket and pulled out a little slip of black lace. 

_ Fenedhis _ , she’d left her thong there.  Now Solas held it out to her between two of his long fingers.

Then he spoke, voice low and emotionless, “I believe this is yours.  I thought I should return it to you, or did you mean me to have it as some kind of souvenir?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Festis bei umo canavarum.** \- You will be the death of me
> 
>  **Lasa adahl su nar masa.** \- Shove a tree up your ass.
> 
> I work all day tomorrow so you get this a day early ;) 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed.


	13. *Weak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW chapter
> 
> Also, this time I can warn you there will be a mild rollercoaster ride in the feels amusement park that is Solavellan.

After Emmy recovered from the initial shock at having him suddenly in her office-- _holding her underwear_ _no less_ \--she stood swiftly and stormed to the other side of the desk.  With a scowl, she snatched them from him. 

“Are you insane!?” she hissed.  “Why in the name of Fen’harel’s balls would you bring these here?”

He looked infuriatingly unfazed as he said, “I told you. I was curious if you wanted them back or if they were meant as some souvenir.”  He shifted, crossing his arms behind him, a movement that pulled his shirt tight across his chest and accentuated the broad expanse of his shoulders.  

“Tell me, Emmy, was it good for you?  Were you satisfied or do you wish to put on another tight little outfit and prance about for me again?  The whole courtesan act was---”

Rage seared through her.  As he spoke, her blood boiled and her eyes narrowed.  At his last sentence, something inside her snapped.  Before she could think better of it, or even really realize she was doing it, she’d pulled her hand back and slapped him.  Slapped him hard.  The sound of it rang in her office like a gong.

Solas hardly moved, his expression almost bored.  He didn’t even bring his hand up to his cheek, just moved his lower jaw before he said, “I see.  The truth can be painful, can it not?”

Even though she had been shocked by her own action, the fury was still hot in her at his words.  How dare he, after all he had done.  She was wrong, yes, but how dare he do this.  She was actually thinking of apologizing to him too.  Coming out with it.  Gods, she was an idiot.

She snarled, “Get out.”

“No.”

“No?”  She clenched her fists, nails digging into her palms.  “This is  _ my office _ and I demand that you---”

“What was last night?  Tell me, give me the truth, and I will leave.”

She crossed her arms over her chest, more to hide the shaking in her hands than anything else.  “You were there. If I recall correctly, you seemed to be paying attention during the whole thing.  Or were you off daydreaming while you were fucking me?”

He hummed low in the back of his throat, “Do me this favor, refresh my memory for me.  Tell me why you came and why you then snuck off like a thief in the night.”

There was a hesitation.  A moment where she thought that she was tired of playing.  Then everything between them hit her hard and she said instead, “I wanted sex and I got it, so why would I stay?”

She saw him wince ever so slightly and part of her regretted her words.  But what had he expected?  He must have found out somehow.  Otherwise he wouldn’t be in here like this.  She knew him, bringing something like her thong here in the workplace was hugely uncharacteristic.  Something tipped him over.

He took a step closer, almost against her now.  At first his brows were knit, but after a moment they softened and she saw something give in him.  Then he released a shaky breath. “Fenedhis, Emmy.  If it is sex you want, you could have just asked.”

Then he closed the small space between them so she had to tilt her head up to see him.  His hands went to her waist, fingers gripping to pull her against him.  She let out a little gasp but didn’t pull away or struggle.  She could have told herself it was because of the shock of it, but that would be a lie

“What are you--”

Solas’ mouth came down to meet hers.  It was hard, unexpected, and his fingers dug into the flesh of her hips as he held her. She responded almost instantly, her mouth kissing him back just as hard, their kiss becoming something feral in their need.

The next thing she knew he was leaning her back against her desk, he was moving aside the papers on her desk and then his hand was on her ass.  He gripped her firmly, easily lifted her onto the desk’s surface and moved to settle himself between her legs.  Her skirt was pushed high up her thighs with the motion, but he didn’t once break the contact with her mouth.

She felt him shift his hips against her, the friction causing heat to spiral through her body.  Then his hand moved roughly to her breast, the movement harsher than he’d ever been with her. It was far from unpleasant, however. She felt herself grow wetter as she took a sharp intake of breath at the movement, her head spinning, till she thought she might---

There was a firm knock at the door before the handle jiggled, then stopped. Merrill’s voice came through the barrier. “Emmy?  I’m here with the papers.”

Solas had moved back just enough to look at her.  This was her chance to stop this.  Last night had been good—no,  _ amazing— _ but it had also been a mistake. Even so, at least then she’d been in control, calling the shots. It had been her choice.  Solas was in control now, seducing her, enticing her and if Emmy didn’t stop this, it would only lead to trouble.

Her eyes caught his and the passion there made her breath hitch.  This was not good.  The whole thing had already become confusing enough without the added complication of more sex.  It was supposed to just be a one-night stand.  It was supposed to be easy, not… whatever this was.

He spoke low so only she could hear. “You have a choice.  If you decide you do not want this, I will walk out that door and I will not look back.  I want you, desperately, but I am too old for whatever game you are playing.  I will not indulge it any further.  If, however, you wish for me to stay now, I swear to you I will love you and I will spend a lifetime trying to make you feel things you have never felt before.  I will not leave you again if you will it, Emmy, but you must decide now.”

She should say no. She should push her skirt back down and push Solas away. She should answer the door and invite Merrill in and send Solas packing.  This man had hurt her more deeply than she had thought possible and she had no reason to trust him when he said it would be different this time. She should do the smart thing and let him go.

Yet, it hadn’t always been that way.  She did love him for a reason.  He was kind, intelligent, stoic, but also had this humor and lightness to him behind closed doors.  Hard to the outside world, but soft once you got past the outer layer.  Soft and warm and electric.

“I’m sorry Merrill, I’m in the middle of something else.  Do you mind if we reschedule for tomorrow morning?”

Solas let out a small groan, a release of air as his fingers tightened on her, head dropping to rest at the curve of her collarbone.

“Sure.  Don’t work too hard. Goodnight.”

Solas’ hands started to massage her through her top.  His movements were slow and teasing against her breasts.  She held her breath until she could no longer hear Merrill’s footfall and then she released a long moan.  Her pleasure heightened by his arousal pressed against her.  She pushed against him, her breasts in his hands and her sensitive heat against his hardness.

And she wanted him, she wanted him so badly it ached. “In me.  I want you in me again.”

A twitch of his fingers as he spoke husky and low, “Soon.”

“Now, Solas.”

His hand tightened on her breast and he nipped her neck, “No.  Soon, not now.”

Her pencil skirt had already been pushed up all the way past her thighs.  Now his hands pushed it up so it was bundled at her waist leaving her entire bottom half open to him.  Then he grabbed her panties with one hand, using the other to grip her ass as she lifted for him.  He removed the panties and let them drop to the floor before he followed, lowering himself to his knees in front of her.

Hot breath brushed along her thighs as he moved closer to her.  Then his mouth was on her and her head spun.  She whimpered as he kissed her there, then sobbed out her pleasure as he sucked and teased, then finally cried out when his tongue flicked inside of her.

Her hands came forward to rest against his head.  She arched towards him as his mouth sucked and his tongue dove deep, lapping her up till she was shaking. He brought his hands up, one to open her wider, and the fingers of his other hand slipped inside of her to join his tongue.  

In no time at all he had her squirming, hips rocking uncontrolled against him, her voice crying out mumbled words, “There  _ yes _ , more right there,  _ so close _ , please…”

Then she was shattering, breaking into a million pieces as she gripped his head to her and cried out.  Her hips pushed up against him as every muscle in her body spasmed from the pleasure that shook her.  He drank of her, slow easy strokes of his tongue as she came back down from her crest.

Once she was completely done, he stood.  His eyes intent on hers, something powerful and soul-stirring passing between them that neither were ready to put into words.  Or perhaps there simply weren’t words adequate enough for it.  Either way they said nothing for several moments, and simply drank each other in.

Solas then reached for her hand, placed it on the hardness that strained against his pants, “Now.”

She undid the top button, pulled the zipper down, and then wrapped her fingers around his cock.  He hissed and pushed into her hand, one of his hands going to force his pants down all the way.

He grit his teeth but managed to ask, “Condom this time?”

She gripped him more firmly, stroking still, “No.  I don’t want anything between us, I want to feel you completely.”

A low growl that rumbled and hit her in her core.  Then he was between her legs, his tip pressing against her folds, and they both watched as he entered her.  Once he was fully sheathed her eyes fell shut, head beginning to drop more.

One of his hands came up to her chin, gripping her and tilting her face up to him, “Look at me, Emmy.  I need to see you.”

When she met his gaze it was possessive, the pupils large with his desire as he moved inside of her.  His arms came to wrap around her waist.  One pulling her tighter against him as the other went to grip her ass, fingers digging into her flesh.  Her arms responded by going around his shoulders.

She managed to keep looking at him as he moved in her, slow and deep.  At least she managed for a while until the urge to kiss him grew too strong.  Then she brought her mouth to his and soon they were lost in it.  Their tongues getting into a rhythm with their sex, joined both above and below.  Connected in every way they could.

His thrusts remained slow this time.  They were long and raw.  They made her feel like she was completely captured and, somehow, she didn’t mind this at all.  In fact, the overwhelming intensity of it made her feel as though she might split in two.  Her body unable to contain the sensations and emotions that flooded it.

“Solas, I—”

She was going to say it.   The words I love you set on the tip of her tongue, but they were swallowed in a long moan.  He had shifted her, both hands now on her ass so he could adjust the angle he entered her.  That little adjustment made it so he pushed into her even deeper, hit and rubbed against her in those exact spots that sent jolts through her system.

Words were lost and she simply clung to him desperately.  As her pleasure rose faster and faster inside of her she moved against him.  Hips circling and rocking as she sought out that release.  Then her head was dropping backwards as she fell over into ecstasy, wild desperate moans escaping her mouth.

He moved to grip her tighter still, burying his face into the curve of her neck, “Ar himana in ma.”   _ I drown inside you.   _

His pace became relentless, movements becoming wild and erratic until he thrust one last time hard into her.  Fingers digging in so hard they would likely bruise as he growled his pleasure into his ear and pulsed his release deep inside her.

Never had she been so thoroughly sated by anyone but him.  It wasn’t just her release either, there was a deep satisfaction she got when he found his pleasure in her also.  A kind of feminine pride that this man would give her this part of himself, that he would want her so much he lost himself to her if only for a moment.

Still, her eyes pricked threatening to tear up so she had to turn her head into his chest for a moment.  He didn’t need to see that.  He didn’t need to know the uncertainty that rocked her even as her body still was heated from the pleasure he’d brought to her.

Luckily, it took him long enough to come down from his orgasm that she was able to regain some composure.  So when his hand came to tilt her chin up once more, she no longer feared a tear might make itself known.  Even when his hand came up in an achingly tender touch against her cheek as he brushed a stray strand of hair form her face.

“For the record, I had not planned this.”

She couldn’t help but press her cheek against his hand as she asked, “Do you regret it?”

The slightest hesitation then, “No, but I need to know, what was last night to you?  The truth.  Why, Emmy?”

He had said he was tired of the games, and in truth, she was too.  Tired of games, and lies, and pretending at things that weren’t true.

She took a deep breath, “I wanted you.  I really did, I just… I wanted something easy, something without strings.  A one night stand with you because in truth, I  _ am  _ still angry.  I haven’t forgiven you.  I moved on, I lived my life, but what you did…” another breath, “I just haven’t been able to forgive it completely.”

“It meant something to me.  It all meant something to me.  Do not doubt that.  Last night, and all the times we shared before, they mean more to me than you could know.  Not a day went by that I did not think of you.”

Her heart thudded uneven in her chest but she could think of no response.  

He continued, “I had thought, when you agreed to me making you breakfast, that you had decided to give me a chance.  When you left without a word I---”

Anger stirred within her again and she pushed against his chest, forcing him back far enough so that she could get off the desk and stand.  She tugged down her skirt before she looked up at him, eyes narrowed.

“When  _ I  _ left?  What about when  _ you  _ left?  How do you think I felt?  Did you even---”

“Emmy,” He came close to her again, reached out to her but she put up a hand and she skirted out of his reach.  His hand dropped and he shifted, “Leaving you was the worst mistake of my life and I understand I hurt you.  I understand you wanting to hurt me back.  That is what that was last night is it not?”

“You should have come back to me after the incident, contacted me, anything.  You should have let me know I wasn’t alone.”

He winced, then took a ragged breath, “Emmy, I--”

“No.  If you cared like you say you did where were you?  Where were you when I was broken and scared?  When the whole world was looking to me but no one actually saw me.  Where were you then, Solas?”

He ran a hand over his face, his shoulders slumping as though with a great weight, “You think I did not want to?  That I did not consider it a million times?”

“Yet you didn’t.”

He looked at her eyes deep wells of sorrow, “It was complicated.  You were raised up higher than any of our people have been raised in centuries.  You were the sole survivor.  The Inquisitor and I,”  another slow release of breath, “I had my reasons that it was better for you if I stayed away.”

“Better for me?  You have no idea what is  _ better _ for me and it wasn’t your choice to make.  If you stayed away you stayed away for you, don’t try and make it out any other way.”

His eyes narrowed, “You were not the only one who was hurting Emmy.”

“I wasn’t…. My whole fucking life changed, I---”  

She had broken, completely and utterly broken.  Then she had built herself stronger, stronger so she would never break like that again.  First his leaving and then the explosion.  All had served to make her thick skinned, able to withstand storms.  She would not bend now, not here, not for him.

“I  _ am  _ sorry Emmy.  I want…”  He shifted, then his eyes turned eager, his tone pleading, achingly so, “I understand what you have said, I understand that I should have come to you.  I should not have left you to begin with but, please would you just try to forgive me.  Give me a chance to show you that I intend to stay, that I will never hurt you again like that.  Let me spend a lifetime making it up to you, please.”

She softened, “I am not trying to stay angry at you, I don’t like that I still hold on to this.  That I haven’t been able to let go and forgive you completely, but… I can’t help what I feel, Solas.”

“Us making love changed nothing?  Nothing at all?”

The term sent a shock through her system, “Making… Solas that was… what happened both times it was… animalistic.”

“You think there is only one way to make love?”

“No… I mean I don’t---"

This time when his hand came up to touch her cheek she didn’t pull away.  He spoke quietly, “I will never have enough of you Emmy.  I could take you every night and every day for the rest of eternity and it would never be enough.  You consume me.”

She felt warmth through her and her mind shouted abort over and over, but her heart stilled her limbs, forced her body to lean towards him.

Her mind won out on one front though.  It managed to control her mouth, “I think you are taking this a little too far.”

His fingers moved to grip her chin, “Tell me then.”

“Tell you what?”

“Tell me it meant nothing to you.  That last night and just now was just two people having sex.  That it did not stir anything deep inside you.”

“It--,” She swallowed, started again, “Just because it meant something doesn’t mean it wasn’t a mistake.”  She took a step back, forcing her chin free from his fingers, “You should go.”

There was quiet as he stared at her, absolutely still for so long that she had to work hard not to squirm.  Then he shifted, reached to pull his pants back on, tucked in his shirt and straightened himself so it looked as though he hadn’t just been fucking her brains out.  

She leaned back against the desk.  She was sure he was going to leave her now and she wanted to appear unaffected.  He didn’t leave.  Instead, he came over to her.  His hand skimming her cheek and his head dipping down to hers.

“A proper good-bye before I go, vhenan.”

Vhenan.

Had he just said…

Then his lips were pressed to hers.  His tongue seeking entrance to her mouth and damn if she didn’t open to him without hesitation.  She drank him in, fingers going to the back of his neck as she pulled herself up against him.  The kisses were deep and fevered till she felt herself lost in them again.  

He kissed her till she found herself thinking, maybe once more.  Just one more time with him then she would really end it.

But he was the one to pull away.   He moved from her mouth to her ear, whispered against her skin, “I am not giving up on us, Emmy.  Ar lath ma, ar ema’bellanaris.”   _ I love you, I always have.   _

Then without looking at her and without another word, he turned and left.  The door closing with a soft click behind him.  Her knees felt weak and she slid down to the floor.

_ Ar lath ma, ar ema’bellanaris. _

How badly had she wanted those words?  How long had she wished to hear them in his voice?  Now that she had, they terrified her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early update because 1. I figure a lot of you will be drowning in Andromeda this weekend and 2. I left you all on a feels cliff hanger last chapter so figured why not, since it was done :D
> 
> Hope you enjoyed.


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